Urban Decay Eyeliner Review with appropriate snark

I’ve been meaning to write a post about Urban Decay’s 24/7 Waterproof Liquid Liner for a while now. Then the other day I accidentally did a durability test on it and was pretty shocked by the results. Shocked implies far too much emotion but sounds better than mildly surprised.

I’ve been rocking cat eyeliner since 17. It never gets old to me. If I could do my make-up like Lana Del Ray’s every day, I would.

Technically, I could do my make-up like that every day but I have a different gripe about why I feel weird about doing that. I’ll most likely write that post next since I’m currently sitting at work trying to kill a few hours in between de-hairing the lovely bits of PDXers.

My one gripe with this liner is that there never seems to be very much color in the tip of the brush. I end up shaking it like crazy to no avail. The only thing that gets color back in there is pressing the side firmly down on something, generally I use the back of my hand. After that the liner goes on quite well.

Most of the time I wash my hands right after I press the brush to them to avoid a black spot on my hand for the rest of the day. But the other afternoon I was in a rush to meet a girlfriend and after hastily doing my make-up I rushed out the door with that black dot still on my hand.

I noticed it while driving to lunch and tried to pick it off with my nail. Nope. I licked it and tried to smear it off. No sir. I rubbed it furiously against the leg of my jeans. It stayed put. So I thought meh, fuck it and went on with my day.

Later that night I had to deep clean my entire house in order to get ready for the ladies clothing swap the next night (also a possible future post). Halfway through washing every dish I own, I noticed the black dot was still there. Perfectly intact.

By this point I wanted to see how long it would stay. And stay it did, through all those dishes and two showers after that. I also wash my hands constantly and it didn’t budge.

This shit is waterproof as a motherfucker. That’s what I’m saying. Motherfuckers aren’t really waterproof, huh? As waterproof as Lindsay Lohan’s plastic face? As waterproof as Betty White’s vagina? As waterproof as plastic sheets on a bedwetter’s bed?

If you want party all night, go home with a stranger, have sweaty sex, sleep with your face shoved in the pillow and still wake up with gorgeous make-up eye liner then go buy the shit out of this stuff.

Also, I’m not going to harp on this shit here because this blog is dedicated to bitchiness, not world issues….but….I’ve been trying very hard to be aware of what I’m buying when it comes to cosmetics. Urban Decay does no animal testing. There are plenty of other brands as well. There’s really no excuse for you to hide your head in the sand when it comes to this shit and then claim you’re an animal lover.

Watch that girl being fucked with and tell me you wanna buy MAC products.

I’ll be over here with curlers in my hair, using my cruelty free eye liner that won’t budge even if I spray myself in the face with a fire hose. Though it comes off just great with a bit of olive oil. I’m sure eye make-up remover would do the trick as well but I’m a hippie.

2 responses to “Urban Decay Eyeliner Review with appropriate snark

  1. Lou

    Ugh. This post makes my eyes feel weird. I hate eyeliner or mascara that won’t come off. If my makeup doesn’t come off with a simple gentle cleanser, I’m over it. Waterproof anything is the devil to me in makeup speak. Luckily I have a heart of stone and never cry.

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