Hate Parade: Sheer Button Up Shirts

I’m currently white knuckling it through one beast of a hangover due to a night involving ice skating, spiked fountain sodas, cheap beer and expensive whiskey. I have a giant fist shaped bruise on my thigh and all I want is a fucking burrito but I live in Oregon where Mexican food tastes like salty cat shit wrapped in wax paper. I’m still in bed at 3 PM, sandwiched in by two passed out dogs. I win at life.

I figure now, when I want to kill everything in my sight, I should blog about a trend that is really grossing me out.

I’m sorry, Mischa Barton, but you’re my prime example again.

Bitch, no. 

This whole sheer collared shirt and bra thing is just making me want to barf. Or maybe that’s my hangover. Either way, I may barf.

This trend is good in theory but to me, and Lou may fight me on this, it looks like the secretary forgot her meds and is now wearing inappropriate things to work.

Because real women do not look like that broad. Real women are tromping around town with this shit on and it just doesn’t work.

See? Not the same is it? It just looks….so bad 90’s. Most women shouldn’t be showing off their midriffs. I’m sorry but it’s true. I’m an asshole.

The last week at my job before I moved here I waxed two girls who were around 19 or 20. They were both wearing sheer button ups, one was floral which made me cringe even more. The trouble was that they were both wearing bras that were not meant to be seen. One had very large breasts so she was wearing one of those support bras with the extra wide straps. That’s not a sexy bra. It’s not meant to be seen. It’s meant to hold your shit up so that you can look good in a t-shirt that is opaque. The other girl had a Target special bra. It was pink with flowers on it.

NO!

If you’re going to insist on throwing this trend on your innocent body then for God’s sake wear a black, simple bra that is sexy but doesn’t have sequins or flowers on it. Please.

This would be doing it “right” and I still hate it, hate it, hate it. It looks like she’s wearing shitty pajamas. Your barista does not need to be accosted by your hipster titties.

That reminds me, all you broads crying about not wanting to be seen as an object and men not looking in your eyes? Fuck you if you wear this shit. Waaah waaah waah. You’re doing it to yourself, dumb ass. Don’t scream for attention and then slap a man when he gives it to you.

GAH! I’m getting more and more upset. But more about the fact that the I NEED  a decent burrito in my life.

I do need to add that while I find this trend to be vomitable (making up words like a champ), I have no issue with sheer t-shirts or tank tops and dark bras. Like a super soft, worn in t shirt that’s so thin you can see the bra. That’s fine. It’s the fucking button up with a collar that enrages me.

I’m gonna give it to the men on this one. Is it a boner or no boner?

OMG! I just invented a new category! HATE PARADE!!!!! I encourage everyone to submit their own Hate Parade tirades. I will eat them up like I should be eating a god damn burrito.