Your Shoes Suck

I’ll keep this brief since it really is just a matter of personal opinion, but I’m totally right when I say Jeffery Campbell “Lita” shoes are hideous. I’m all for a sky-high platform shoe. It’s not the heel height I find offensive so much, it’s the horrible, horrible, hideous toe! And then the proclivity of every fashionable hipster girl on earth to rush out and shove their dainty feet into something that will make themlook like they’ve got two club feet. They come in every imaginable color and pattern. It’s maddening.

Here is the least offensive picture I can find of the classic black and still…nope:

These shoes are stripper shoes meant to be worn outside of the strip club. I have nothing against strippers, except the fact that they love to wear these shoes.

That stripper’s dog wants to eat your brains.
To me, they just scream “try”. There is no fashion happening here. There is a bandwagon, a bad aesthetic, and a whole heap of lazy in this trend. Plain and simple. Also, they will make you look like a Clydesdale.

There are definitely cuter platform boots out there that you can buy for less money. I just don’t really understand why these shoes, and their huge ass toe platforms, became so fashionable. I mean, this? This?? Really??

Who in the fuck??:

Would spend $180 on these shoes? Woof.

They can also be mother fucking dangerous. And no I’m not talking about twisting an ankle.

Actually, if I were forced to buy a pair of JC shoes, I’d pick these spiked ones, so I could stomp a bitch.

Overall, this trend just kind of reminds me of how much I hate 6″ heels. I just…don’t…see how it’s hot. What is the obsession, ladies? It looks awkward as hell. Even on Beyonce.

Like I said, I love a good heel as much as the next girl, and maybe someday I’ll write a “Doing it Right” post a la SweetBird, but for now, it felt good to spew my hate all over these wretched shoes.

Oh. And if you own a pair of these and we’re friends .. ah, um, I’m sure I own something you hate too.



10 responses to “Your Shoes Suck

  1. Totally forgot to tell you I saw a MAN wearing the JC Lita with the spikes at DAP (of course). Fuck everything ever.

  2. Adrienne Dercookie

    Hey — just found yer blog and I’m lovin it (ba da bah bah bahhh). Also, I sort of choked on my own vomit with the stars n stripes pair. Yuck.

  3. I love how much you hate these shoes. Kinda makes me want to buy them but I really hate the toe too. Plus, I wouldn’t be able to outrun you in them.

  4. peter thelabrian

    Those are so amazingly awful! I’m flabbergasted. I’m also pretty sure there are a couple of designers out there somewhere having a contest to see who can make the most absurd item of clothing that people will actually buy and wear. (It doesn’t count if it doesn’t have at least a triple digit price tag.)

    Even these are better:–large-msg-131836098974.jpg

  5. Pingback: Platform Boots: Done Right | Cheap Wine And Panty Lines

  6. Oh my gosh that is special

    That poor little hound is leaning away from those nasty glitter ones. They are all horrid.

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