Platform(ish) Boots: Done Right

I need to tell you, I started my research on this post by searching “Celebrity Booties” in Google. I got a butt load of Nikki Minaj ass cheek in my face. And while someday I would love to write an entire post about her incredible booty, today I am going to focus on how not to look like a Jeffery Campbell-wearing twat next time you want to pair some platform boots with your get-up.

Let me just be a complete asshole and start out like a Vogue article, showing you shit none of us will ever be able to afford. Just to get my point across that there are cuter boots out there than these.

Rag & Bone “Classic Newbury” bootie. So. Fucking. Cute. And they have a really lovely brown as well. All yours for only $495. Such a beautiful boot.


Thanks to Miss Rachel Bilson for modeling…


What? You want a version you can actually afford to buy without selling your first born? Fine. Shell out $90 for these Steve Madden MALLII boots and deal with the fact that because you’re not a celebrity millionaire, you have to have cheaper construction and a buckle.


Asos also has some I probably wouldn’t make fun of you for wearing. And apparently, you can find them places for under $100.


It’s pretty much what party girl (now pregnant party girl) Sienna Miller is rockin here…summer dress season is almost upon us!


In fact, look, I even really, really, really like what she has on below…even thought they’re massive platforms on a dainty do see what’s missing, don’t you? Yes. That stupid idiot platform Lita-style toe.


Also, since that’s how I look stumblin out of bars most nights, I can pretty well imagine how cute those would be on my feet.

And look. Jefferey Campbell could probably even put me in them, alright? It’s not the designer altogether, it’s the particular shoe I despise. Why would you wear that other abomination when you could wear this??? So cute! I honestly almost bought these but realized I don’t have money for anything other than whiskey and student loan payments.


Lucky for us they make an eerily similar $60 knock-off that will probably last a good 4-5 times out on the town.


Totally buying those. Point is…you CAN get better boots. Whether you can afford my dream Rag & Bones or consider it a splurge to spend $60 on shoes, they do exist. This post could go on and on and on.

Instead, I want to point your attention toward a new trend that’s happening. Wedge sneakers. This particular pair is from Chloe, $375.

….would you wear wedge sneakers? I’m dying to know. Such a weird trend. But they’re kind of just like babe-a-licious hightops right?



2 responses to “Platform(ish) Boots: Done Right

  1. Sweet Bird

    Those first boots….gah. Love. But even if I could afford $500 shoes, I hope that I would have better shit to buy than $500 shoes. Like a plane ticket somewhere gorgeous.

    I was really prepared to hate those sneaker platforms buuuuuut, I could see Kreayshawn or some other young, tiny and adorable girl rocking the hell out of them. Plus I would have died for those in 7th grade.

  2. I give an emphatic NO to sneaker boots. I can’t imagine anyone being able to really pull them off. Unless that person is a celebrity or probably, you, they look gross. Sneakers say “comfy,” heels are for show and to say that we are willing to wear adorable shoes for the sake of fashion. Not both, in my humble opinion.

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