Celebrities with Bangin Bodies and Healthy Attitudes

Hey ya’ll. I’m guest bloggin it today over at my sister’s site, Real Living Beauty.

There are pictures of Rihanna in a bikini, so you should probably go check it out and get an eyeful while also learning about 3 ladies who take a healthy stance about body image in an industry rife with unhealthy expectations.


Time to get our positivity on!

Oh yeah and this:

xoxo, Lou

From Runway to Real Life

So remember when I wrote about French Fashion Week and gushed over this Dior outfit?

Well imagine my excitement when I saw it on an actual female body and not the skeletal monstrosity above!!
And Marion Cotillard no less, who I just posted about on the Facebook page. How amazing does this bitch look? So. Hot. Just downright gorgeous really. And French accent to boot. Pft, no contest.

I found this photo on Lainey Gossip, which if you don’t read her and you like gossip/fashion/film, etc. you really should. I’ve been reading her for years. Every day. She’s my favorite.
Ok – that’s all I wanted to say! It’s always so fun to see actual runway fashion out in the real world. If anyone sees this out there

… let me know.

To see the whole set of photos of Marion in this Dior ensemble, visit Lainey here.

xoxo, Lou

I’m Drunk Haute Coture!

Ok. So … I was actually really drunk when I wrote this post, which I found sitting in the ‘Drafts’ section of my admin site. And well, holy shit I am a harsh critic when I’ve been drinking! It kind of cracked me up to re-read and I thought you might enjoy a looksee too. I actually don’t hate a lot of this collection. I’m not sure why I thought I did then. I actually like a lot of these dresses! Almost every single one, which is really odd when you read this article. I hope you enjoy some drunk fashion writing in it’s unedited form. Pretty sure you’ll especially like the part where I misspell Effort and then call you a cunt for it. Yeeeikes. 

xoxo, Lou

Valentino, Valentino … I just don’t know. You’re just not wow-ing me right now. … you asshole.


I think the color of this blue dress if fucking uhhhhmazing.


But the shape is just whatever and to follow it up with this vagina gobbling flower shit is just … lame.


Ok fine. I don’t hate it. In fact … the flowers flow exactly like you intended. Like you’re an expert or something. Let’s see what else ya got …


Boring! S a D


Ahaaa, getting in on the see-through trend I see. Well, still, boring. Although A for Affort (intentionally misspelled you cunts).


Pish and Posh. I’m done with your collection.

Who’s next?

Summertime Trend Watch

I’m trying to figure out face painting in Portland by stealing pictures off my hipster friends’ Facebook pages. https://www.facebook.com/louandsweetbird.

Check it and tell me what it’s all about.

xoxo, Lou


Blue Lip Beauty Experiment

Someone commented over on the ol’ Facebook page about trying out blue lipstick.

I’m not sure when blue lipstick became a thing, but I suspect that slut Ke$ha has something to do with it.

And now it’s made its way from the very cesspool of celebrity stardom to Portland, OR where me and two of my lady friends saw some broad sporting it at Dig a Pony. Of course, right?

We stared at her all night trying to decide if we liked it or not. I came to the conclusion that she looked stupid. Jordan said she liked it cause everything else about the girl was ‘normal’. I maintain that she liked it cause everything else about the girl was 90’s, but I still caught her drift. It wasn’t like she had on full sci-fi Mad Max fashion accessories.

And Jessica, pretty sure she just couldn’t stop staring at the hideous heels on the bitches behind us. They were like, I don’t know, like this maybe? (I was on my second vodka drink by this point)

Anyway, blue lips. Yeah…it’s a thing now again, huh? I kinda wanna try it. It’s so kooky and zany! Except, actually it’s not. I’m just afraid that with my fair skin I might end up looking like Laura Palmer.

But screw it. I aim to please. Especially my readers. So, for Ian Alexander Galloway, I will do this.

Here is some inspiration to draw from. I largely think how my own face turns out looking will largely depend on whatever $0.99 option Wet & Wild offers.

Ok! So watch for that. Me and my blue lips.

I also know I was drunk last night when I wrote about Rachel McAdams, cause I apparently also started a post about Lana Del Rey’s fashion that I don’t remember and that I was too tipsy to finish. Watch for that too.

xoxo, Lou

Girl Crushes and Freebie Fives

My fella and I watched Wedding Crashers the other night and when he saw Rachel McAdams, he immediately let out a “who is that?”, which means he thinks she’s a babe, and in this case, I totally approve. My favorite gossip blogger has what she calls a “Freebie Five” and I’ve always loved the idea. These are the five, usually super unattainable people, that you are totally allowed to have sex with should the opportunity arise.

The reason I love this idea so much is that when I am first dating a dude, asking who is on his Freebie Five will more than likely tell me if I want to let him stick his penis in me. Victoria Secret’s models? Megan Fox? Jessica Simpson??? I mean, I just like when a guy picks ladies that I would pick…ya know? Or ladies who I can say, ok, I can see me fitting in there….somehow.

Throw me Marion Cotillard. Throw me … Emma Stone. Shit..fine, throw me Megan Fox. (although my gossip blogger also has a thing called Top Shame Fucks, so you know, you have options). But anyway, back to the point, Rachel McAdams, style profiling. Cause this woman … I’m tempted to call her a girl, maybe a Mean Girl, hahaha … get it? Well anyway, she is a babe. And here are the pics to prove it, or not, depending on how my red wine makes me feel.

Here’s my thing about RM. She looks like a girl from high school, right? But WAY better. Way unassuming. She’s just so damn cute. And hot. All at the same time. And I’m not usually partial to blondes of either sex, but she does it for me as a blonde. My dude liked her as a dark, dark brunette. I’d hit that too.

I’ll take it because I feel like that’s what I look like at most weddings…wine in hand. I actually once got hit on at a wedding when some dude said my “spirit” reminded him of Rachel McAdams character in “Wedding Crashers”. Dude. Whatever. I was drunk…That don’t mean I’m easy. Let’s look at this babe’s fashion.

Gawwwwd I want this dress. We all know (don’t we?) that I love anything backless. And well, shit. The bow. The beading. I would wear this on 1 million red carpets. I adore everything about everything here.

Here’s the front (ish). I really just want us all to remember when she dated Ryan Gosling. I’d totally perv out on these two.

I bet he’s on your Freebie Five, huh? Huh???

Thing is, much as I love her face, I realize I am not so into this bitch’s style:

(so0ooBro…how do I get a back like this?)

Yes. I like the backless aspect on her holy hot back. But  no! In actuality, this shit is hideous.


You look silly. Why are you posing like that? Stop!

Too short. Horrible fucking pattern. Great legs. And I love that she dabbled in pink hair. Cute!

When she is styled for photo shoots, she actually does ok.

That face is fucking SICK. Also always been a fan of nylons like that.

Oh hai! How cute are you here?

I guess we should probably just stick to magazines and face shots. Although I think her street style is super cute too ….

Haha ok nevermind. I just searched a wee bit and I think I hate her style all around actually. Let’s just look at her BITCHIN FACE some more

Ah. I feel so much better. And sorry bay, but homegirl looks way better as a blonde.

So, not much for fashion commentary here, but shit, when ya got a face, ya got a face. And this is proof that you can still fuck up fashion even when you’re real pretty.

I didn’t actually know I hated her style until I stared looking it up on the Internet. Fascinating ! I mean, hating her fashion means get her more naked … right? Right?

So tell me … who’s on your Freebie Five, you whores?

xoxo, Lou

The French Get Freaky … Haute Coture Fashion Week Mother F*cker!

It’s Haute Coture Fashion Week all up in Paris right now, which means we get to look at stuff like this:


Maison Martin Margiela

Is that a doorknob? A crotch doorknob? You’re just confused about the thing on her face, right? But I can’t get past that doorknob. And how does that bitch walk in that mask!? But call me crazy, I actually do kind of like the see-through pants/skirt trend happening lately, even though I think most Real people probably can’t pull it off.


Maison Martin Margiela

Would I wear this skirt that Lana Del Rey has on below? Yes, yes, I probably would. Or at least some variation of it.In fact I kind of want one to wear right now.


Let’s see. What else was good enough, or weird enough, to talk about on the French Catwalks?

I was feelin the Jean-Paul Gautier Egyptian-esque, 1920’s Circus/Mediterranean super lush colors, fabrics, patterns, and textures:




And his whacky ass turban did not disappoint either.  ….Are we still trying to do turbans btw? I’ve never seen one on the streets of Portland and can’t be sure if anyone is still trying, but I think I’m sure that I wish they would…


Love that final dress.

And to contrast, Christian Dior had some amazing clean line silhouettes that I would fucking die for. Although his models really need to EAT. Jesus.


Love the orange, houndstooth, green/white shoe ensemble. Perfect mix of colors.


Model boobs!

And of course the requisite whackiness:


But can we also take a look at his runway? How crazy with all those flowers everywhere? Fashion shows of this caliber are no fucking joke. Nice touch. And how many of you want this red dress?


Lastly, for today, let’s look at….Chanel. I was crazy fucking bored.





Ew! What is that pink poodle mess above? It was old and ugly. The whole thing. I hated all of it and  usually I’m not so crazy anti-Chanel, but this all just sucked. … well except for this. This was kind of cool.


I feel creeped out. I think a lot of it is that model. Can she really not move her arms, or is she just playin like she can’t move her arms?

There is TONS more Paris Haute Coture Fashion week to cover. I wanted to touch on it now, but later, when I’m wasted, I’d love to really dive in and give you some more, probably better, judgey reviews.

Until then …. Happy Monday!

xoxo, Lou

No Gym? No Problem!

Here are the things that occurred to me while reading So0o Bro’s latest contribution:
  • Pull-ups are fucking hard. I’ve never been able to do one in my life even though I think I’m actually pretty strong. 
  • DESPI swimwear…is this a hipster thing? I’ve never heard of this line. So0o Bro just fashion shamed me on my own blog. What a bitch. 
  • I added all the celebrity photos. Obviously. Cause when I drink I’ll take any excuse to look up some smutty photos. 
  • Emily Wolfer took some photos of our douchey drill sergeant. Check out more of her beautiful work HERE. 
  • And finally, working out blows. I did it today. And now I’m home with and all I have energy to do is this: 
Ok! Now enjoy some douchey work out advice!
No Gym, No Problem!
$40 a month for a gym membership you’re never going to use is one way of fucking up your drinking budget. That’s like 6.5 six packs of High Life tall boys! Fuck that!
Don’t worry. I have the 5 basic workouts that will help tone your whole body and keep you out of that Douche Bag filled gym (the less you hipsters go to the gym, the less I have to wait for you to get off my FUCKING weights).  No need for dumbbells or workout machines, we are going to use our own body weight. MONEY SAVER!
PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, SQUATS, LUNGES, (and if you have a bar) PULL-UPS. That’s it. These exercises when done to the point of muscle failure and when mixed in with your cardio, can give you a full body workout that will get you in that hot new DESPI bikini you have been working so hard for. But just like any other workout, YOU NEED TO PUSH YOURSELF!
The last few reps of these exercises should be tough and you should fail most of time. THAT IS WHAT WE WANT. If you can do your sets with ease then you need to do more reps! Hit that wall and eventually break through the motherfucker!

Let’s start with PUSH-UPS.

The most basic exercise out there and it can work more then just your chest. Depending on your hand placement you can work your arms, chest and back. Ohh, and your CORE!!!
That’s right! Try doing your push-ups with one leg raised and out to the side. Make sure you do this with both legs to work both sides of your core. This one is a killer and one of my favorites! Make sure to keep that leg elevated and focus on using your core to keep it from dropping. It might take some time getting your core strong enough to balance and get a good number of reps in but do as many as you can till you physically can’t do anymore and it should be fine.
(photo by: EMILY WOLFER) Make sure to get low!
If you are having trouble doing push-ups then start from your knees, but don’t cheat yourself and make sure that you are only doing this when you can’t do them conventionally.
Now let’s cut that stomach with some SIT-UPS! 
(photo by: EMILY WOLFER)
Just like the push-ups, there are tones of different ways to work your core and make that stomach lean and BANGIN’! We have all seen the PLAMKING videos and if you have never tried it you should!
Try planking for 2 minutes straight and then tell me that shit isn’t hard. Don’t worry, I’ll wait!… That shit’s hard, right?! And it’s great for your core! Mix that in with some leg lifts and crunches and you will really rock those center abs. Do some side crunches and hit the oblique’s (my favorite) and you will start to strengthen that core for real.
Here is a link to 10 different workouts for your abs.  There is so much good shit on the web!
On to the ass! BAMN! SQUATS!
Squats are the BUTT shaper! If you want a rounder, tighter ass then squats are going to be your best friend. The best part is they’re the easiest exercise to see results fast! It is also a great workout for your hamstrings.  Some sites say to hold dumbbells for more of a challenge but if you don’t have them you can use just your body weight and do more reps or use water bottles or other objects of weight around your house.
(Lou: Easily one of the best celebrity butts. Which is great since she has nothing else going for her.)
To finish off the legs we are going to do LUNGES! These fucking suck! But, man, do they work your legs! I do a lot of lunges to strengthen my legs for cycling and it works! This could be the best all around leg workout you can do. If they become too easy with your body weight then hold 12 packs of PBR in each hand and give that a try. You can always drink a few beers to lighten the weight but remember you will have to do more cardio to burn off those calories!
Daaaamn Girl!! 
Last but not least is PULL-UPS/CHIN-UPS. This is a great exercise, but only for those that have a pull up bar at home or something that can support your weight like a tree branch or that pull-up bar at your neighborhood park. Now just to clarify, pull-ups are with the back of your hands facing you and chin-ups are with the palms of your hands facing you. A lot of people think they’re the same thing but they do work different parts of the body.
The pull-ups are going to hit your back and shoulder muscles more and chin-ups will work your biceps more. Both of these exercises of course have different variations, like wide grip and close grip, and you can also rock your abs by lifting your knees to your chest or holding your legs straight out while you pull up.
(Lou: I bet Cameron Diaz can do some mean pull-up)
So there are your exercises that you can easily do at home.  Since we aren’t trying to bulk up and just want to tone, we are going to do high reps and around 3-5 sets. 5 is not high reps, 20 is high reps (of course you wont be able to do 20 pull-ups or maybe even push-ups right away but you get the idea).
When I first started working out these were my exercises I would do in the morning when I woke up. I would do them every other day, which was a good way to start out and eventually turned it up. After the third week or so I needed some motivation to continue what I like to call my PRISON WORKOUTS so I started to make the workouts into games to keep me going.
A deck of cards is a great tool for all these exercises except maybe the pull-ups (you will see why).  What I liked to do was take a deck of cards and flip one at a time and then do the face value of that card, face cards are 10 and aces alternate from 1 to 11. So for instance, I would be doing push-ups and I would flip over the first card and we will say that card is a 5. I would do 5 push-ups and then flip over the next card. I would do 5 cards and then take a 90 second break and then try another 5 cards. I would do this until I was physically drained and couldn’t do another single push-up.  How long will it take you to do the whole deck?
You can do this game with any exercise really and can even give an exercise to each suit. So hearts can be squats, diamonds are push-ups, lunges are spades, and clubs are Sit-ups. This way you can rest muscles while working others!
I would recommend doing what is called super sets when you are starting out. This is when you move from one exercise to the other without resting. This will keep your heart rate up which will burn more beer off! Isn’t that why we are doing this in the first place?
WOW! That is a lot of information to throw at you at one time.  Just remember that working-out is not easy and you will need to push yourself. Also, cut your cardio days in between your strength days to allow your body to recover, and GET YOUR PROTEIN! (Lou: I’m making So0o Bro write his next post about healthy garbage I can eat to trick my body that it’s still getting delicious garbage. Surprise! Next assignment, buddy. What the fuck do I eat when I’m hungover???)
I’m beat just from writing this. Hey, Lou! BEER ME!