Neon? More Like Ne-off.

I’ve decided I hate something.  Which obviously means I should take to the blog and bitch about it.

What I hate has to do with the neon color trend. When it first started to crawl out from the hole that is the 1980’s, I didn’t hate it. In fact, as an accent I did and still do, kind of like it. When done right, neon is fun and funky. But when it’s done wrong, you can’t NOT see it and it becomes this invitation to look at the cheap, horrendously bright t-shirts Forever 21 is slangin off their sales racks.

Google ‘neon trend’ and a ton of cute shit pops up, but somehow, this is never the shit I see out in the real world. I don’t think college girls slapping on the brightest fucking pink t-shirt they’ve ever seen is cute. Pairing a neon t-shirt with your regular blue jeans? No! No, I just … I can’t stand it. Let’s look at some examples of wrong before I show you how right it actually can be.

No. I hate this so much. With all these other muted colors? Not to mention the insane proportions of that tank/skirt. I just despise what it does to my eye. It’s a lazy way to work neon and with this trend all lazy does is make me want to chug whatever kind of alchol that advertisment behind her is trying to sell me.

This ad is everything that’s wrong with stupid neon. Every time I see it on the street, god damn I get so distracted, and not in a hot guy way or in a child playing with a puppy kind of way, but in a bum taking a crap on the street kind of way. I can’t really look away cause it’s so glaring, but I also can’t stop my nose from crinkling in disgust either.

Nope. I sometimes don’t mind when it’s ALL neon, but this really makes me want to shield my eyes.

Gross. Don’t like. Argue with me on that one. Go ahead, but I just, can’t be convinced.

Holy Hell what is going on here?

Maybe I just hate green/yellow neon? No. I think just extra hate yellow/green neon.

A lot of the time, neon can look really, really cute! I honestly think it’s when bitches don’t try that hard or when they just throw it in with the rest of their normal wardrobe without any thought that I develop an aversion similar to what it must be like to break out in hives.

Here are some looks that give me the opposite feelings.

Remember this? I actually really liked this. Because it’s not a main component of her actually clothing. This is like having hot pink toenails, which can be really cute!

Also this – I would and want to be wearing this outfit right. now.

So cute. I love it. Where do I buy it?

Oxfords were/are poppin up everywhere and I really adore this take on them. In fact I want them! I even saw them in real life at the bar the other day on this woman who was a hot, hot mess and I was much more likely to disregard her slurring nonsense talk because her shoes were so pleasing to me.

See? It’s clearly a really drastic spectrum for me.

What do you think about this? Here are those shoes on someone and you know, it’s similar to J. Alba up there, but what I think saves this for me is that she’s worked in neon throughout. It’s not just some random bright ass pants. And the proportions are right.

Ultimately, I think 9 times out of 10 I hate neon. It’s completely case by case, but what I’ve learned sifting through the images is that I think I like it in moderation, sparsed througout an ensemble or when babes go all out, all neon. Don’t be lazy and don’t be afraid.

If you really want to look like a piece of tropical fruit, really go for it.

Because as cute as this girl is and as much as I almost like this … I still wish her pants weren’t the color of an electric melon.

I feel like I’ll have some naysayers on this one, so go ahead, weigh in and argue with me. Send me pics of you in your hot pink shirt. Double arguement points if you’re wearing Jefferey Campbell Lita’s. I should probably never move to Miami.

xoxo, Lou

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Short Hair Don Care

My homegirl Crystal hit me up today because she was SO excited about how sexy Miss Miley Cyrus is looking with her new short locks (have you seen yet??). She asked if she could write a guest blog about it. I said duh. Here is what she wants you all to know about being a badass and being a babe, all with no hair to hide behind. Enjoy!

Celebrities have been making headlines with short hair since Mia Farrow got a pixie from Vidal Sassoon for Rosemary’s Baby.

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A couple days ago Miley Cyrus chopped off her topknot and the internet is now a buzz with criticism. It’s your typical Mean Girls insult factory mostly revolving around two slams: 1) that she looks like a man or 2) that she looks like a lesbian. Damn, that’s cold brah.

And I get it. I have more than a few male and female friends who think short hair isn’t feminine or pretty. Oh course, looking around at most media depictions of women, shoulder length or longer is pretty much standard. A quick Google image search of “Maxium Covers” shows exactly one photo of a girl with a chin length bob. Nothing shorter. Glamour magazine doesn’t fair much better with three covers, one being Rihanna and the other two being choppy midlengths, but no pixies. Obviously women with short hair are not pretty enough to be on the cover of a magazine. (snark, eyeroll, snark)

Here’s the thing. Having short hair means you can’t hide. Your face, neck, shoulders are all out there for the world to see. Short hair in my mind is associated with being kickass, punk rock, take no prisoners. Maybe I was too into Tank Girl when I was a teenager.
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The short haired celebrities that I can think of are, for the most part, not models and certainly not what I see represented in mainstream media. (See: P!nk, Amber Rose, Ginnifer Goodwin, Rhinna, Ellen Degeneres) I actually had to stop and take a moment to rack my brain for that small list, if that tells you anything. (From Lou: Michelle Williams!!)

But back to Miley. This chick is everything I despise: Cookie Cutter, Disney manufactured, faux-tantalizing malarkey. And don’t get me started on how she threw Annie Leibovitz under the bus for that Vanity Fair spread… But I digress.

Miley took her cutesy little topknot and chopped it off.

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And guess what? Chick don’t have *no wear* to hide.

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But here’s the silver lining… When you don’t have your hair to hide behind, you become more tough, more brazen, more daring with your style. You wear more make up… Scratch that. You wear more exaggerated, fun, exciting makeup. You don’t have to be “pretty” anymore and instead can be a fucking badass. I think she looks pretty dope.

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And you couldn’t have paid me to say that before.

Lou here. I just want to give a quick steez shout out to my lady friend Lindsey. She might kill me for saying this, but when I first saw Miley’s new hair, I immediately thought of her and the first time we met. I had a major girl crush on her because her HAIR was SO rad. And she’s just a majorly awesome babe, so that helped too. I was so impressed with her ballsiness. Going from this:

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Gradually to this:

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HOT.

Being a complete baby about changing my hair, I was so attracted to the audacity she displayed with a not so simple shorn. I totally wanted to be her friend. And then I was. And it was awesome.

Thanks to Crystal for admitting she thinks Miley Cyrus is a badass (for the record, I also think she looks awesome with her new ‘do). Until next time … tell us your stories about short hair. Seems to me it’s a right of passage we all go through, or should go through, unless you’re a total pussy like me and can only get to this length before bitching out.

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xoxo, Lou

Falling for Fall Fashion

While Lou gets herself settled in her new abode, I offered to step in with a guest post, gushing over my new favorite Fall Collection. Always primed for inspiration, Lou quickly proposed that she find her own Wow Collection as an example of one of our favorite topics: how two very close sisters (who look very much alike) can have two completely different approaches to Style. Today you get to see what I’m fawning over, and Lou will post her swoon-inducing collection as soon as she gets the internet hooked up in her new apartment. (Which might be never at the pace I’m going -Lou).

Consider this a counter piece to my How to Dress Like a Lady on a Budget piece. This is more of a How to Dress Like a Lady if You’re Obscenely Wealthy post. Because money can buy you fashion, but it cannot buy you style. If you don’t believe me, well there’s this:

I apologize for that. Please take a moment to wash out your eyeballs.

Now on with the coveting. Over lunch the other day I was innocently flipping through the most recent issue of Vanity Fair, when this ad punched me in the face with fashion love:

(That dog looks so weird to me and I’m not even drunk. He looks really confused … sort of how I feel about this collection, but hey, not my obsession. Carry on. -Lou)

It’s plaid-tweed-menswear-1920’s heaven. Subtle, polished, Gatsby. What’s not to love? (Rhetorical? Errrr … cause, I could name a few things probably if .. no? Ok) As I explored the collection further, Lou encouraged me to embrace my outer Prep. Which is fair, because just the other day I stepped out in some plaid Tommy Hilfiger kicks and confessed to my husband, “I love these shoes, and they are just so undeniably Preppy.” As is this outfit:

Which I would be wearing right this instant, if I were wealthy and it wasn’t 90 degrees outside. And for my Very Important Meetings with Very Important People (all wealthy people have those, right?) (Wealthy people have other people go to their meetings for them. Rich people go to their own meetings. You’d be rich) I’d toss on this effortless bit of class:

The details here are Killing me. The shoes! The pocket chain! The splash of color in that beautiful shirt! This would be me, channeling my husband. He genuinely dresses that sleek and sexy on a regular basis. Case in point:

That’s him on the left. Seriously. Even among all those well-dressed men, he’s the snazziest. In my humble opinion. So that lady-suit is essentially the gal version of what he wears to work. Delicious.

Moving on, as this collection is for me and not Johnny, here’s the ladyiest of the lady outfits that I’m pining for:

That CLOCHE.

It’s perfection. And now I am determined to artfully accent my grays with pops of fuchsia. Can I call that fuchsia? Or is Anna Wintour’s head – somewhere in the world, at this very moment – pulling an Exorcist because it’s actually puce?  Either way, that outfit should be mine because it’s named after my mother.

Now if I were ever wealthy it would only be as a result of my creative prowess. I am not an entrepreneur, but I can create like a motherfucker. So if I were wealthy I would most definitely end up on a red carpet somewhere. And on that red carpet I would wear this:

Backless.

I am a sucker for backless.

This perfect-amount-of-sparkle dress might be a little witchy on the bottom when still, but in motion it looks like she’s kicking up little wings around her calves. And I could Eat those shoes. Deco fabulous. And also, oddly, named after my mother with an extra E. The universe wants me and these outfits to be together.

Speaking of deco, I’ve also picked out an outfit for Rachel McAdams. Lou and I recently discovered that she actually needs a little red carpet help (which we tend to overlook in the moment, because she is So Damn Pretty), and I’ve determined that this should be her next fancy-dress ensemble:

You can see it, non? (yeah!) (Wealthy people also use random French words to add to their allure)

As my final nod to Fall Wealthy Lady Fashion, we say au revoir to Ralph and swoop over to Kate. My first and truest Wealthy Ladylike Love. Now I am 100% serious when I say that if I had $700 lying around with nothing better to do, I would buy this coat:

If you’ve won the lottery or have a trust fund, my birthday is next week and you should feel free to buy me this entire outfit.
I can hear Lou now. “Are you fucking kidding me?? $700??? For a coat?? That is absurd. No one item of clothing should cost $700.”

But I love this perfect, timeless trench so much that it makes my eyes hurt. And I believe in investment pieces. As in, I would literally wear it for the rest of my life. Why own the same Burberry trench coat as everyone else in the Hamptons when you could have that kicky little skirt and that adorable printed lining?? You know what that lining is, don’t you? French words. The cherry on top of your ladylike, wealthy, élégant self.

Lou will be chiming in soon with her own favorites for fall, and it’s a safe bet that they’ll be a far cry from my fantasies of Oxford, polo matches, and apple cider brandy. Stay tuned!