No Gym? No Problem!

Here are the things that occurred to me while reading So0o Bro’s latest contribution:
  • Pull-ups are fucking hard. I’ve never been able to do one in my life even though I think I’m actually pretty strong. 
  • DESPI swimwear…is this a hipster thing? I’ve never heard of this line. So0o Bro just fashion shamed me on my own blog. What a bitch. 
  • I added all the celebrity photos. Obviously. Cause when I drink I’ll take any excuse to look up some smutty photos. 
  • Emily Wolfer took some photos of our douchey drill sergeant. Check out more of her beautiful work HERE. 
  • And finally, working out blows. I did it today. And now I’m home with and all I have energy to do is this: 
Ok! Now enjoy some douchey work out advice!
No Gym, No Problem!
$40 a month for a gym membership you’re never going to use is one way of fucking up your drinking budget. That’s like 6.5 six packs of High Life tall boys! Fuck that!
Don’t worry. I have the 5 basic workouts that will help tone your whole body and keep you out of that Douche Bag filled gym (the less you hipsters go to the gym, the less I have to wait for you to get off my FUCKING weights).  No need for dumbbells or workout machines, we are going to use our own body weight. MONEY SAVER!
PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, SQUATS, LUNGES, (and if you have a bar) PULL-UPS. That’s it. These exercises when done to the point of muscle failure and when mixed in with your cardio, can give you a full body workout that will get you in that hot new DESPI bikini you have been working so hard for. But just like any other workout, YOU NEED TO PUSH YOURSELF!
The last few reps of these exercises should be tough and you should fail most of time. THAT IS WHAT WE WANT. If you can do your sets with ease then you need to do more reps! Hit that wall and eventually break through the motherfucker!

Let’s start with PUSH-UPS.

The most basic exercise out there and it can work more then just your chest. Depending on your hand placement you can work your arms, chest and back. Ohh, and your CORE!!!
That’s right! Try doing your push-ups with one leg raised and out to the side. Make sure you do this with both legs to work both sides of your core. This one is a killer and one of my favorites! Make sure to keep that leg elevated and focus on using your core to keep it from dropping. It might take some time getting your core strong enough to balance and get a good number of reps in but do as many as you can till you physically can’t do anymore and it should be fine.
(photo by: EMILY WOLFER) Make sure to get low!
If you are having trouble doing push-ups then start from your knees, but don’t cheat yourself and make sure that you are only doing this when you can’t do them conventionally.
Now let’s cut that stomach with some SIT-UPS! 
(photo by: EMILY WOLFER)
Just like the push-ups, there are tones of different ways to work your core and make that stomach lean and BANGIN’! We have all seen the PLAMKING videos and if you have never tried it you should!
Try planking for 2 minutes straight and then tell me that shit isn’t hard. Don’t worry, I’ll wait!… That shit’s hard, right?! And it’s great for your core! Mix that in with some leg lifts and crunches and you will really rock those center abs. Do some side crunches and hit the oblique’s (my favorite) and you will start to strengthen that core for real.
Here is a link to 10 different workouts for your abs.  There is so much good shit on the web!
On to the ass! BAMN! SQUATS!
Squats are the BUTT shaper! If you want a rounder, tighter ass then squats are going to be your best friend. The best part is they’re the easiest exercise to see results fast! It is also a great workout for your hamstrings.  Some sites say to hold dumbbells for more of a challenge but if you don’t have them you can use just your body weight and do more reps or use water bottles or other objects of weight around your house.
(Lou: Easily one of the best celebrity butts. Which is great since she has nothing else going for her.)
To finish off the legs we are going to do LUNGES! These fucking suck! But, man, do they work your legs! I do a lot of lunges to strengthen my legs for cycling and it works! This could be the best all around leg workout you can do. If they become too easy with your body weight then hold 12 packs of PBR in each hand and give that a try. You can always drink a few beers to lighten the weight but remember you will have to do more cardio to burn off those calories!
Daaaamn Girl!! 
Last but not least is PULL-UPS/CHIN-UPS. This is a great exercise, but only for those that have a pull up bar at home or something that can support your weight like a tree branch or that pull-up bar at your neighborhood park. Now just to clarify, pull-ups are with the back of your hands facing you and chin-ups are with the palms of your hands facing you. A lot of people think they’re the same thing but they do work different parts of the body.
The pull-ups are going to hit your back and shoulder muscles more and chin-ups will work your biceps more. Both of these exercises of course have different variations, like wide grip and close grip, and you can also rock your abs by lifting your knees to your chest or holding your legs straight out while you pull up.
(Lou: I bet Cameron Diaz can do some mean pull-up)
So there are your exercises that you can easily do at home.  Since we aren’t trying to bulk up and just want to tone, we are going to do high reps and around 3-5 sets. 5 is not high reps, 20 is high reps (of course you wont be able to do 20 pull-ups or maybe even push-ups right away but you get the idea).
When I first started working out these were my exercises I would do in the morning when I woke up. I would do them every other day, which was a good way to start out and eventually turned it up. After the third week or so I needed some motivation to continue what I like to call my PRISON WORKOUTS so I started to make the workouts into games to keep me going.
A deck of cards is a great tool for all these exercises except maybe the pull-ups (you will see why).  What I liked to do was take a deck of cards and flip one at a time and then do the face value of that card, face cards are 10 and aces alternate from 1 to 11. So for instance, I would be doing push-ups and I would flip over the first card and we will say that card is a 5. I would do 5 push-ups and then flip over the next card. I would do 5 cards and then take a 90 second break and then try another 5 cards. I would do this until I was physically drained and couldn’t do another single push-up.  How long will it take you to do the whole deck?
You can do this game with any exercise really and can even give an exercise to each suit. So hearts can be squats, diamonds are push-ups, lunges are spades, and clubs are Sit-ups. This way you can rest muscles while working others!
I would recommend doing what is called super sets when you are starting out. This is when you move from one exercise to the other without resting. This will keep your heart rate up which will burn more beer off! Isn’t that why we are doing this in the first place?
WOW! That is a lot of information to throw at you at one time.  Just remember that working-out is not easy and you will need to push yourself. Also, cut your cardio days in between your strength days to allow your body to recover, and GET YOUR PROTEIN! (Lou: I’m making So0o Bro write his next post about healthy garbage I can eat to trick my body that it’s still getting delicious garbage. Surprise! Next assignment, buddy. What the fuck do I eat when I’m hungover???)
I’m beat just from writing this. Hey, Lou! BEER ME!
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Get Fit. Stay Drunk.

Drink while you eat and eat while you drink.

Save your calories for alcohol.

… these are things I’m used to hearing from my incredibly fun, loving, amazing, vain as f*ck, Irish family/family members.

And then… all these posts from So0o Bro and yet I’m still just as lazy as ever. But that’s all about to change because this week, starting tomorrow, marks the beginning of my efforts to become a healthier human being, while still continuing to get drunk and make fun of fashion.

I don’t want to become militant about my fitness, a la So0o Bro, but I do want to get fit and feel good and prolong my youthful looks as long as possible. One problem is, I really, really love to drink and I live in a city where there are a ton of ridiculously good looking, fun, and fashionable people to join in my boozy shenanigans. I don’t want to give this up. I won’t give this up. I really love my life. Which is why I want to take measures to make it last a little while longer.

Exercise? It hit a peak in my life when I dated a professional baseball player, which consequently made me feel like I had to have an equally athletic body … which, yeah, of course never really happened, but it was a great effort let me tell you.

Now. I live in this cycle. I’ll “accidentally” go out and get really drunk and then I’ll wake up and go to work at a job I really like except that it more or less forces me to sit at a desk in an office all day and the only think that makes me feel less like dying from a hangover is shit tons of greasy pizza.

I don’t want to by a gym rat, but I also don’t want to stay a booze hound. I need to find a nice balance. I’ve always been better at regulating diet than I have been at regulating my alcohol intake. I blame my family. Just look at the pictures below, as I prepare healthy lunches for the week following a 3-mimosa breakfast and cracking open a PBR tallboy:

Food in my kitchen right now. Pretty good right??

Alcohol options in my kitchen right now. Also pretty good, no??

I really appreciate So0o Bro’s newfound enthusiasm for getting buff, but come on, I think at the end of the day what I need to be…what we all need to be…is realistic. I tell myself I’m going to get fit! This week! Starting tomorrow! And it doesn’t happen. Cause guess what? It isn’t realistic. I love to go out with my friends and I love to drink. I love to drink and judge fashion and gossip and write this blog.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I am REALLY good at socializing and drinking. And it’s my nature to latch on to anything I’m good at:

I like to drink and do a lot of stuff. But I don’t love to drink and go to the gym. Weird, right? But, I am ready to find a way to make some time for it and slowly start to tweak my habits cause let’s face it, I’m not going to be young forever.

I have to work a little harder for that flat tummy, which, btw, at 28 I no longer have. I have to prepare for the days that an occasional cigarette turns into instant crows lines by my eyes. I need to start thinking about yeah, maybe having a brat some day, and the highlights of my night being a child asleep by 9 and not a rowdy bar fight and a top my tits look great in. It’s time. It’s been time for awhile. But now’s the time I really put it out in the universe and make it happen. I hope.

By doing it slowly. By not giving up on alcohol and friends and life as I know it. I need the gym to sneak attack into my life.

Starting with the lunches you saw above .. and the booze you saw above too.

3 nights at the gym this week.

A doctor’s appointment this week.

AND a trip to get my teeth cleaned.

Clean Slate.

It’s mother fucking health week. If I can make my ass look better with a little exercise and some veggies in my body, think how great I’ll feel in clothes. And then I can keep drinking whatever I want and coming on here to write all about it! That idea alone has me pumped. File this under … Health Experiement. Get Fit. Stay Drunk.

xoxo, Lou

Cardio, noooooo!!!

(I just have to say, I was late getting this post up because I was too busy getting drunk in a movie theater watching Prometheus in 3D. And after reading it, I realize I am totally one of those people that works out like, twice a week, and considers it a success.Typically, I just find there is something I would way rather do than workout and yeah, I pay for it with a back that hurts and way too many hangovers, but shit, I have a lot of fun.

I know I don’t want to speed up my aging cause I’m a vain bitch, but I know that’s exactly what will happen if I stay this lazy and this consistently drunk. I really do want to make some minor tweaks to my lifestyle (which I imagine is where a lot of us are .. not yet at the 5-6 days of cardio this guy suggests, pft, but starting slow is still something to be proud of!) For my part, I’m still waiting for my initial motivation to kick in…hoping these So0obro posts push me there. Enjoy!)

What’s up CWPL readers?! SO0o Bro is back with more fitness advice for you drunk-ass Hipsters. Lil’ Lou sent me the hundreds of emails you sent her and I was surprised to see what most of you wanted to know about.

Besides wondering if I’m single or not (971-227-8345 – find out for yourself), the next most asked question was about different CARDIO workouts to shred the FAT. Knowing that most of you readers drink A LOT, I’m guessing that running is not your best friend (SHIT, you probably hate working out and are just reading this post because your friends with Lil’ Lou). So, I’m going to give you some different CARDIO workouts to choose from and YOU can choose which one works best for you.

YES, PLEASE!!!
First off, it should be mentioned that Cardio, actually working out in general, SUCKS. Working out for the first time after a long break can be very exciting as well as defeating. YOU NEED TO REMEMBER IT GETS BETTER. That soreness that you’re hating so much will eventually go away and you might actually miss it once it’s gone! That shortness of breath from running around the block will eventually come after an 8 mile run! YOU WILL HAVE RESULTS. Well…if you push yourself as hard as you can. Your mind will quit long before your body!
Don’t think working out hard is sexy? THINK AGAIN!  Girl, I want to see you SWEATING and have some FIRE in your eyes. If you are smiling during your run, you need to start running faster!

(Lou: Cute Suit!)

CYCLE, RUN, SWIM, and wait for it…


DANCE!!!

That’s right, DANCING. This shit burns calories like SNOOP burns TREES! Whether you’re on the pole or dancing to soul, this is a great alternative to conventional workouts. Plus it shows dudes how great you are in the sack (guys totally judge women on their dancing skills! KNOWN FACT), and not to mention it’s done best with a drink in hand! (Lou: Count me in)

Also,  YOU CAN DANCE ANYWHERE, FOR FREE! Dance in the right place and you can even make a buck or two. Don’t want to cut a rug in public? Keep your dancing at home! Put on that record you can’t help but move to and go at it for an hour or two. The key is to continue moving. KEEP THE HEART RATE UP. Dance for 2 hours and you will burn around 700 calories or MORE!!! BOOM!

Dancing can also be a great core exercise! But remember you want to get that HEART RATE UP and really push yourself to keep moving at a good pace.
So, whether your running everyday or dancing to your favorite BUSTA RHYME$ album, just remember to go harder and faster than last time.  Doing cardio 1 day a week ain’t gonna do SHIT!!! You need to be doing cardio 5-6 days a week and giving yourself 1-2 days rest.  Also remember to eat well and DRINK LESS! (LOU! This means you) The more you DRINK the more you have to RUN! (Lou: ew)


I prefer CYCLING for my CARDIO.

Get Drunk, Get Fit

Hey ya’ll. Lately I’ve noticed I no longer have the body I did when I was 22. I know. It happens to all of us and now that I’m 28, that beer I spend all week guzzling is no longer simply pissed away. Instead, these days it makes a pit stop at my belly, decides it’s nice and soft and cozy there, and never leaves. I’m over it and fine! I realize I might actually have to do some work to get rid of it.

So, to help me in my efforts, I’ve enlisted the help of someone I know can whip me into shape. He’s a major bro, his name is So0obro in fact, check him out here, and he has a lot of good advice. He’s kind of like a douchey drill sargeant that really wants to help you get a better ass. So go ahead and ask him your questions. (email to cheapwineandpantylines@gmail.com) Want to know how to get a good work out while lifting your PBR cans? Seriously, I bet he could tell you. Challenge him! And meanwhile I’ll be at the gym trying to get rid of this stupid beer gut.

What’s up You lazy ass mother fuckers?! Lil’ Lou came to me the other day asking how she can take that soft body and turn it into a hard body before we get out of river drinking season. I said FUCK YEAH! (You can say I’m a specialist in this category. Just look at the photo below).


I grew up in Southern California where no one wore more than two articles of clothing on any given day. I seriously thought board-shorts were a respectable article of clothing to wear to work for most of my life. Girls wore bikinis every day and the world was a much better place.
Now that I live in Portland,  no one wears beach attire, even at the BEACH! There are more girls in cut off shorts and band tees at the river then there are flotation devices of any sort. WTF!!!

No, bitch! You can’t come to the river with me in that!

I narrowed it down to three reasons why I don’t see as many bikinis during the hot Portland summers as I do in SoCal:

  1. You don’t own a bathing suit of any kind. I understand that this can happen all the way up here in the North West region of America. We ARE really close to Canada!

Here is my advice; FUCKING BUY ONE! It’s hard to see the shape of your boobs through an old LL Cool J t-shirt.

  1. You’re afraid of getting skin cancer. Well you did move to the right place to hide from the sun but remember that there are only about 3 solid weeks when the sun is out and in full effect. If the sun affects you so much that you have to keep all your cloths on to enjoy a river date, then keep moving north. (Lou: Sunscreen ladies and gents!)
  1. YOU’RE OUT OF SHAPE!!! I’m going to focus on this issue.

I believe this BLOG did a piece a while back on skinny fat: The worst epidemic to hit Portland since UGGS. And let me just say that it is a terrible disorder that needs to be remedied STAT! The only problem is no one wants to work to correct it.
Why is it so un-cool to workout all of a sudden? Ever since I started hitting the gym hard and watching what I eat, I have lost the following: 4 really good friends, the desire to get wasted every night (Lou: hmmmm, not sure I want this side effect), the desire to smoke cigarettes all day long, my hatred of Nike shoes and clothing, AND MY SOFT ASS BODY!
What I have gained from my recent life changing decisions: I feel FUCKING healthy! My back no longer hurts at the end of the day from BLUE COLLAR work. I HAVE A FUCKING SIX PACK!!! Female coworkers and friends now touch my arms or abs and go, “ HOLY SHIT, MAN! YOU’RE BUFF!”

Then:

Now:

So ladies. To summarize: GET IN THE FUCKING GYM!
I will be posting more articles to this blog about different workout routines to get you out of the tees and into bikinis. For now just do sit-ups, push-ups and squats till you can’t do them anymore and then just repeat that everyday.  Running and biking never killed anyone either.
I hope to see some tits at the river this year, not covered by Billy Joel’s face.

(Lou: While I do feel pretty ok in a bikini, I could feel better, and for my part, ladies, I think this is something you should do for you first and then let your man or other men, or women, or whoever, let them benefit second. This is about feeling good about your tits and your ass and all of the in between. And it’s about feeling healthy and strong. And…I also just want to be able to keep getting drunk without getting fat. So, there’s that. So let’s do it! Let’s…workout? Ugh)

Again, like what you see here? He has his own blog! Don’t we all, right? See more from So0obro on tumblr: so0obro.tumblr.com

Would you let Fish eat your Feet?

I was flipping through a National Geographic in the break room at work just now and I stumbled across an article on traveling in Thailand or some shit and there was a picture of some girls, all sitting in a row, with their feet dunked in a gigantic fish tank. Something like this:

I’ve heard of fish pedicures before, but this time I gave it 5 seconds thought before almost barfing and deciding I would NEVER do this. Even researching this post is grossing me out, and I am not easily grossed out. Look at these pictures and then take this poll so I can see if I’m in the minority or not. Would you let some tiny fish eat away at your feet?

No surprise it’s been banned a lot of places for being “unsanitary”, but lots of traditional pedicures are unsanitary too. Is this just organic?

If I haven’t grossed you out yet…fish also do full body exfoliation.

So tell me…would you get a Fish Pedicure?

Get Drunk, Get Fat

FAIL.

Fail, fail, fail, fail.

My experiment to get drunk, not fat did not go as planned last night.

Or…it did, since I drank no beer which is what I set out to do for a few weeks.

(Thought the night I wrote that other post, the boyfriend came home from a BBQ with a six pack of PBR and without even thinking I took the one he offered me. My resolve lasted two hours! Record setting fail.)

Last night a bunch of us went out for a friend’s birthday. I was resolved to not drink beer even though I have about $80 to last me til payday on Friday. The bar we convened at serves it’s signature cocktail in a giant mason jar. I fucking love drinks in mason jars. I love drinks in any sort of weird container. Glasses shaped like cowboy boots, copper mugs, fishbowls, I love them all. I’m a sucker for them.

Therefore, I started the night off with this:

That is a shit ton of bourbon, some other alcohol and then a whole lot of sugar.

SUGAR.

So by not drinking a god damn beer, which would have been 5 dollars cheaper, I drank this monster sugar beast which contained god knows how many calories.

We then moved on to everyone’s favorite neighborhood strip club/dive bar, Sassy’s. No birthday is complete until you’ve seen bored, tattooed strippers flail around in mis-matched bra and panty sets.

(I LOVE strippers but for the love of god, ladies, put a little effort in. It looks like you got to work, pulled off your jeans and ironic Motley Crue tank top and hopped up in stage in your Target bra and Forever21 panties. That don’t even match! Gah! That said, there are some fantastic girls who work there that I adore and kick ass at what they do.)

I decided that instead of a tallboy, I would have a rum and coke. Because more sugar was obviously what I needed.

Then a friend bought everyone a round of whiskey shots. That was the best caloric decision of the night, given that whiskey is only around 73 calories.

But I followed it up with another rum and coke. Though to my credit, there was so much rum in both drinks that I doubt I even got very much coke.

At this time, after having a girl force me to look into her lady folds up at the rack, I decided I needed tator tots. Add to my calories for the night a basket of greasy potato nuggets. Excellent call, Sweetbird!

After my tots I then gave my last ten dollars in cash to a dancer only because she could make her ass cheeks bounce by flexing them one at a time. I’m intensely jealous of this ability as well as booty popping, clapping and any other form of doing cool shit with your ass.

Best.Booty.Video.Ever.

Broke and drunk, we called it a night and rode up the never ending hill home. Sure, Portland has hills. Slopes…inclines. Whatever, seemed really hard last night.

Upon arriving at home, I made myself a vegan grilled cheese sandwich with fake bacon and ate some cookies.

Winner.

What have we learned here? That giving up beer will not make me less fat. Drinking liquor makes me more drunk and more prone to getting the munchies.

New plan: just work out more. 

Okay, so enough with trying to pass of my drinking as a health experiment. Back to fashion and beauty. I got nothing though so it’s up to Lou!

Get Drunk, Not Fat

Shockingly, I didn’t just pull that title out of my ass.

It’s a freakin’ website….called Get Drunk Not Fat.  It does just what its says, teaches you what the best things to drink are to get drunk and not fat.

Ha!!!

(sidenote: I started looking for pictures of drunk hipsters to put throughout this post but the first picture that popped up with of Lindsay Lohan being druuuunk. Then much like Katy Perry’s breasts, I got sucked into fucked up Lilo pictures. Now you get her!)

Lilo watches her calories by taking shots all night.

Full disclosure: It’s about 80 degrees outside and I’m on a self imposed booze free night. Therefore I’m hanging out in cut offs and a bikini top making cookies. Oh and baking bread. I’m such a fat kid. I’m totally eating the cookie dough too. It’s okay cuz it’s vegan so I can’t get salmonella. Just fat.

Lou’s big sis once shared with me her dietary wisdom:

“Eat less, save your calorie intake for alcohol.”

Drunk Lilo thinks that’s great advice!

I tried that a few times and while it did result in spending less money and getting more drunk due to the empty stomach, it made me feel like cat shit the next day. Lou has mastered the art of drinking her dinner and never seems to be worse for the wear. I think it’s something in that family’s blood. Magical princess hair and excellent boozability.

What does any of this have to do with fashion? Nothing. Other than the fact that clothes look better when you’re not lumpy in all the wrong places. Girls with beer guts are no bueno.

During my cookie baking/fat kid pig out, Ms.Cuntbook texted me to tell me to invent her a calorie free beer. I don’t think my idea of drinking the beer and then barfing it back up ten minutes later was the bright idea she was looking for.

I’ve never really considered how many calories were in beer. Actually, I never consider the calories in anything. Probably not the smartest thing.

Apparently a rum and diet coke is a great thing to drink because it’s only 64 calories. To that I say barf. Keep your mixer!

Lilo loves rum! 

Booze by the calories:

Rum – 64 Calories per 1 oz
Brandy – 64 Calories per 1 oz
Gin – 64 Calories per 1 oz
Tequila – 64 Calories per 1 oz
Scotch Whiskey – 73 Calories per 1 oz
Vodka – 73 Calories per 1 oz
Whisky – 73 Calories per 1 oz

The internet says that the average bottle of beer contains 150 calories. WOOF! Give me straight whiskey any day.

There’s been a lot of hullaballoo (best word ever) around these parts lately about alcohol. Some people have gotten it into to their heads that when you’re a grown up you don’t go out and get sauced anymore. Have those people never seen Mad Men? Booze and cigarettes all day! Not that Don Draper should be a role model. But still….you can still be a responsible person, an adult, and enjoy drankin’.

I’m giving myself a health challenge (I’m laughing as I write this because a health challenge involving drinking is fucking hilarious to me) to lay off the beer and just enjoy either wine or whiskey. For…a couple of weeks? Maybe til June? Just to see how I feel. Perhaps my little bit of tummy will back the fuck off. Probably not but my intake of cheap beer since we moved back is bonkers. I’m an adult now, god dammit, I’m going to drink like one!

Okay now can someone tell me how the fuck this happened?

Holy jesus, girl!! 

Alright, I’ve got cookies to eat. Go to the bar armed with the knowledge of how fat what you’re drinking is going to make you, adjust accordingly. Or don’t. I’ll probably blow it after two days. Beer is cheap, yo!

The Price of Partying

I need a makeover. Unlike SweetBird, I’ve spent the last 5 years in Portland taking advantage of the fact that it’s perfectly acceptable, and at times even encouraged, to show up to work or a nice dinner not only looking hungover, but actually feeling like you might pass out, throw up, or both.

With the exception of Hangover Hotness (It’s a strage phenomenon, does it ever happen to you? It happens to me and my sisters quite often. You somehow get your ass to work after a night of too many whiskey shots, look in the mirror, and realize, damn! I look good! I’ll try and document the next time this happens). 

So with that being the exception, lately, I typically feel totally gross, stuck in a rut, and like I could be doing way better. I’m bored and sometimes disappointed in how I put myself together these days and how it might effect how I look later in life. I like to party, what can I say? And I’m good at it. I’ve always gravitated toward things I have a natural aptitude for, and partying is top of the list. But, point is….

I want to look more like this when I get older:

Bitch is 58

And less like this:

Someone has sex with this.

Problem is, I’m pretty sure I spend more time these days partying like Keith Richards. Which is why I’m embarking on a new quest to take some preventative measures. Ultimately I just want to FEEL better. Fuck yeah I want my skin to glow. And my hair, well, if you don’t know already, I am obsessed with my hair. It’s not ok for me to hate it, but lately I do. Cause it’s looked like some variation of this for the last three years:

I’m growing it out right now best I can, but as you can imagine, this makes me throw it up in a bun every morning as I curse the mundanity of it all. (I thought I was making that word up, but true story, it’s a real word). Anyway! Point is, I feel BLAH. Here is what I am going to do to change it:

  • Start eating better. Less hangover pizza, more avodcados to give me glowing skin. Do I want to try juicing?
  • Exercise. Boo! But, I can finally yank my bike out of the corner now that it’s not raining every day. Yay!
  • Wardrobe makeover – I need to have about 80% less crap in my closet.
  • Homemade potions – screw only eating avocados, I’m going to slather them all over my face.
  • And sigh…less booze. Less partying. More sleep. Wanker. (for some reason this calls for British slang).

I’m telling you all this for two reasons: 1. to hold me accountable. Hell, you can even send me advice if you want. And 2. so I can document it all on this here blog and keep you up to date on my progress. Somehow putting it down on “paper” already has me feeling a little better and all of the above bullet points will eventually become articles or videos in some form. 

I can’t wait to see where I actually succeed and where I fail…and if someone (SweetBird) mentions booze right now I will punch them in the face…for possibly being totally right.

xoxo, Lou

I’m a bunny loving hippie

This is a something I posted over on my personal blog but I wanted to post it over here as well. Xoxo-SB

 

In the last year I’ve become a bit of a hippie. I still shower though, don’t worry.

My boyfriend had been vegan for 7 years when I met him. We agreed that if he stopped smoking (which he had been doing for 14 years) that I would go vegan. Granted I was shitfaced when I made this deal so there was a lot of struggle on my part to hold up my end.

When we moved in together it was agreed that it would be a vegan household. So I became vegan…ish for a good 7 months. I still ate dairy if we were at a restaurant and definitely slipped up and ate meat  while I was away from the boy.

Fast forward to now…the boyfriend decided to eat some dairy and fish (mostly due to my sushi obsession). I have now fully stopped eating meat other than fish. I know that this is not a cruelty free diet but for someone that used to crave cheeseburgers on a daily basis, it’s huge for me. I have no desire to eat beef or pork ever again. I feel too upset by the thought of what I would actually be eating. And while fried chicken is delicious, I don’t think I could kill a chicken, so therefore I should not eat one.

See, such a hippie.

Being with the boyfriend has made it impossible for me to blindly plow ahead in life with my eyes closed to how my actions don’t match up with my morals. He’s a huge animal/environmental rights guy. I have always loved animals with a fierceness that I rarely bestow on humans. Yet I was eating them, wearing them and using products that tested on them. What a load of bullshit.

In my slow going process to be more aware, I have been making sure that I research the cosmetics that I buy to make sure that there is NO animal testing involved.

Most of us have huge make-up cases full of cosmetics that we adore and that we’ve never thought twice about purchasing. We would also be disgusted to hear about the gut churning tests that are being done on animals so that can have those cosmetics. I’m not going to go into gory details here because I don’t believe in shoving information in people’s faces. There are plenty of websites that will give you the rundown of exactly what’s happening. It happens whether you read up on it or not, so I suggest looking into it. Yeah it’s uncomfortable and easier to not know the details but suck it up.

Feel like you want to be more aware and make some changes? Then I give you the challenge that I have given myself:

-Go into your bathroom and look at all your products. Do they have the little cruelty free bunny on the bottle? No? Go look up that company and whoever owns that company and see if they test on animals.

-If you find that you have a lot of products with no bunny on the back, use them cuz you already bought them and there’s no need to be wasteful.

-But then next time you go out for shampoo, moisturizer or make-up, go armed with a list of companies that are cruelty free. Need help? Try one of these sites to guide you.

My Make-up Mirror

Peta

Leaping Bunny

If you want to know if a specific product that you love is cruelty free, just type into Google and ask. Leaping Bunny talks about how just because the bunny may be on the bottle, that doesn’t always mean it’s safe so do your research and do it well. More and more products are available that are safe, even at Target and Sephora. You don’t have to go to all natural stores.

It’s a slow transition to make. There’s always more that we could be doing. I know I shouldn’t be eating dairy or using products that have any animal products. But it’s a transition. To stop everything at once would be overwhelming. Even changing one thing is good. If everything changed one thing, it would be huge.

So all you animal lovers, put your money where your mouth is and be aware of who you’re buying from and what you’re putting on your face. It feels good and it’s great karma.

See..such a fucking hippie.

PS…wanna get really freaked out? Go watch this two minute cartoon on the toxic chemicals in our products and how we can help change it!

Safe Cosmetics!