Met Gala Part II

Alright. Part II. Let’s just jump right in. Cause I’m pretty sure I could even do a part iii.


Feathers must be in right now because there were a lot of them at the Met this year. Purple must be in too. But no purple feathered mess was as booty-licious as Beyonce’s. I really WANT to like this. It has a J. Lo Versace thing going on…and yet, all I see is ice skating costume. Applause for wearing it so soon after the blessed Blue Ivy, but, I’m just so stuck on 5 out of 10. It all just looks like so Fine, fine. Because it’s Beyonce and I think she’s hot as shit, I’m going to go 6.5 out of 10. Not my fave, not completely original, but fun, and all anyone can do is stare at her butt. My kind of fashion.


Diane Krueger 

I’ll admit straight up, I’m a usually a huge Diane Krueger fan. She has quirky style. It’s original and a little hipster. She’s skinny without making me want to yell at her like I do Kate Bosworth. I just…like her styles. Unfortunately, I do not like these styles. She looks like the feather duster in the Beauty and the Beast movie. I like the pendant. And I fucking Adore her hair and makeup. She’s almost vibing some Sienna Miller, no? But all in all? It’s all just so…heavy. The heavy with the effortless hair and makeup though? Ok, that’s kind of expert. Regardless of this review, Diane, I think you’re a babe. 6 out of 10. 


Sarah Jessica Parker

Usually so fashion forward. Right now, I’d like to stab my fucking eyeballs out of my face. 1 out of 10. The 1 is for the gold cuffs.


Mary Kate Olson

The Olsen twins. Super hot, right? But Jesus sometimes they look so fucking stupid. Mary Kate Olsen just looks miserable here. Pinched. I really like the sleeve detail, and yet, it’s also all so very Gothic Bride. She looks, just, weird. Not a fan. But only because I know she could do So. Much. Better. 4 out of 10. 


Cameron Diaz

Here’s the thing. I’ve never been a huge Cameron Diaz fan. Yeah. I like her perky, dirty, I-hang-with-the-boys demeanor, but looks-wise? Meh. Just, not my thing. She’s very cut. A lot of hard edges on this one. That’s not to say I don’t have leg envy or that I wouldn’t get piss drunk with her and talk filthy, but all in all, I wouldn’t want to bang her. This dress coincides with all of the above. She should have on a hot pink mini-skirt. That’s how I see Cammie D. This reads old. It’s so beaded and beige. Her back is hot but her boobs look mole hills. 3 out of 10. 3 for being your age and still looking overall HOT AS SHIT.


Gisele Bundchen

I pretty much always love what this Brazilian bombshell wears to the Met. With Tom Brady on her arm too, it’s always fucking Ken and Barbie, escaped from their boxes. This year is actually no different. I’ll tell you what. I’m tempted to call this boring, but I just can’t. I fucking swoon over this dress. Most everything about it. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t help to have that face and that body as a hangar. Perfect. Cleavage.  And what is that? A knuckle ring? I love that! Subtly is my jam. 9 out of 10. 9 for Tom Brady’s effed up hair. wtf?


Gwyneth Paltrow

This looks like something a teenager should be wearing. She looks very out of place in this gown. And very…skinny. Deprived. Uncomfortable. I’ll say it. I hate it. I just really can’t find a positive. Even her skin looks too orange. Ok fine, her legs are sick. But no. For the amount of money and connections this rich bitch has, this should be worlds better than it is. 1.5 out of 10. 


Part III tomorrow?

xoxo, Lou


Your Shoes Suck

I’ll keep this brief since it really is just a matter of personal opinion, but I’m totally right when I say Jeffery Campbell “Lita” shoes are hideous. I’m all for a sky-high platform shoe. It’s not the heel height I find offensive so much, it’s the horrible, horrible, hideous toe! And then the proclivity of every fashionable hipster girl on earth to rush out and shove their dainty feet into something that will make themlook like they’ve got two club feet. They come in every imaginable color and pattern. It’s maddening.

Here is the least offensive picture I can find of the classic black and still…nope:

These shoes are stripper shoes meant to be worn outside of the strip club. I have nothing against strippers, except the fact that they love to wear these shoes.

That stripper’s dog wants to eat your brains.
To me, they just scream “try”. There is no fashion happening here. There is a bandwagon, a bad aesthetic, and a whole heap of lazy in this trend. Plain and simple. Also, they will make you look like a Clydesdale.

There are definitely cuter platform boots out there that you can buy for less money. I just don’t really understand why these shoes, and their huge ass toe platforms, became so fashionable. I mean, this? This?? Really??

Who in the fuck??:

Would spend $180 on these shoes? Woof.

They can also be mother fucking dangerous. And no I’m not talking about twisting an ankle.

Actually, if I were forced to buy a pair of JC shoes, I’d pick these spiked ones, so I could stomp a bitch.

Overall, this trend just kind of reminds me of how much I hate 6″ heels. I just…don’t…see how it’s hot. What is the obsession, ladies? It looks awkward as hell. Even on Beyonce.

Like I said, I love a good heel as much as the next girl, and maybe someday I’ll write a “Doing it Right” post a la SweetBird, but for now, it felt good to spew my hate all over these wretched shoes.

Oh. And if you own a pair of these and we’re friends .. ah, um, I’m sure I own something you hate too.