I love a good ass kicking

Okay, kiddos, I had my first ass kicking, barely breathing aerial class this week.


My skinny girl fat needs to go. Pronto.

I’m so happy to be back at aerial. Plus this time I get to learn trapeze! Fucking trapeze, bitches! I’ve got two lovely lady friends going with me and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the whole damn thing.

Quick refresher: Using the silks looks like this….

That broad is GOOOOOD. The body strength it takes to pull that shit off is insane. Unfortunately we are so far away from that kind of grace and strength…so very far from it. We look like a couple of spastic marionette puppets. All tangled, jumbled, legs always in the wrong spot and knots in our silks.

The room looks like this:

I’m a bad blogger because I only snapped one shitty phone cam picture but eat me, I was barely able to move at this point. You endure a half hour of intense stretching, a half hour climbing the silks and a half hour trying to build up the strength to do cool shit on the trapeze. You shoulders feel like someone has climbed inside of them and built little bonfires. Then they throw Grand pianos on the fires so now your shoulders burn AND you can’t move them.


Sidenote: There’s a 57 year old (possibly albino) woman in my class. That lady has balls. She tries all the same tricks, does all the some reps and smiles while doing so. She is my motivation to not suck. I can’t let a 57 year old albino show me up.

I have weeks and weeks left of this and I’m pants shittingly excited for it. Never mind the fact that my entire torso feels like it’s been crushed by a giant Transformer hand. Never mind the gimpy whining of my thighs that complain with every step because they don’t wanna stretch that way, thankyouverymuch!

This bitch is going to be FIT! 

I’ll keep you updated every now and again. Tell you if I’ve face planted off of anything…or if the 57 year old has.