Let’s Talk about Diane Kruger

I love looking at Diane Kruger. Here’s why.

A. She’s totally gorgeous

B. Her and Joshua Jackson are totally adorable

C. And C. Her fashion is  totally fun, totally interesting, and most often, really fucking cute.

Instead of focusing on all Diane Kruger looks from all of time, I thought I’d give a review of her Cannes 2012 looks. She was on the jury panel this year and because of that, she was freaking everywhere. For days and days, she was splattered across my gossip blogs in gorgeous gowns just begging me to judge her. Wish come true time. Let’s get started.

1. 

I’m not usually into dresses reminiscent of wedding gowns, but for some reason … this doesn’t really bother me. Even though it is So. White. I really like the varying textures up top. I’m less crazy about the bottom. Kinda gross. But I love that photog’s face behind her. That dude is into it. Her makeup is fresh. The purple flower is the most perfect shade. It flatters her shape. …apart from sort of hating the dress itself (mostly on account of the bottom) I like this look. Bitch pulls of white really well, no? And yeah, hair and makeup. Nailed it.

2. 

I feel like a lot of you will hate this dress. It’s Dior. She wore it to the closing ceremonies, or whatever the fuck they call the final red carpet in Cannes. It’s gotta be like the end of the Olympics, right? Anyway, I don’t hate it and here’s why. That structure? With that pattern? Totally unexpected. And interesting. Right? Admit it! Everyone can have an opinion on this dress and trust…not everyone would choose to wear it, which is why I love her. It’s a picnic ballgown. It’s … weird. I love it cause it’s weird. She has a flawless face, and yeah, she might not need makeup with a dress like that, but still, I could have used some pink blush or some shit.

3. 

Love, love, love. Let me count the ways I love this outfit. I wish I had it on right now. Yes. I wish I were sitting in my living room chair, under a Pendleton blanket, drinking $3 wine, in this exact outfit. I really liked her casual dress much more this year than I did her gowns. Those shoes look so fun. With the short, fuller skirt? And the simple black and white with gold accents a la sexy sailor? I’m into it.  Girl has got legs. However, this is not my favorite outift from her Cannes rounds. I’ll get to that in a bit.

 4.

It’s Chanel. And maybe I am just meh on it because it’s so … cute. It’s darling, right? Joshua Jackson is still looking adorable. He’s always wearing that same boring tux. Just the perfect arm candy to her big event. Things I do like: the dramatic eye makeup with such a precious dress. It’s like covering a white baby doll dress (if people still wear those) with a leather jacket. and…THE SHOES. Please give me those shoes. Thank you.

5.

She looks like a god damn Oscar statue. How can I hate that? And lots of people try and wear gold dresses like this, but her Vivienne Westwood version is so Structured. It’s really fucking beautiful. The 1940’s hair is a nice touch. That dress is LIQUID. It is .. yeah. I might be drunk. I really like how pretty that dress is right now. And I really like how pretty it makes her look. Photographs like a dream. Well played.

 6. 

Jason Wu blue and black. I think I want to hate this, but I don’t. It’s so weird! Actually the more I look at it, the more I like it. Navy blue and black is like brown and black to me. People say don’t do it (do they say that? this is why this blog is unqualified) but it’s examples like this that make it work for me. Plus. Again, it’s interesting. I can’t stop looking at the dress. The lace. The belt. The short and the long. It’s a really intriguing play on those damn mullet dresses that are all the sudden all up in fashion’s face. I’ll write you a drunk post about them. I give this dress a B. I give her shoes with this dress a FAIL.

7.  

I’m sorry! I hated this! I don’t think I’m partial to chiffon-ish dresses. So..gauzy. And I like the color, I just don’t like the color on this particular dress. In fact. I hated it. I’m really bored every time I see this dress. it’s Giambattista Valli. It does some crazy ass shit in the wind, which I can appreciate:

I understand why she wore it. I’m just not sure I support it. But I can tell you I support it more than this hideous mess –

Worst fucking thing I’ve ever seen. What is this? It is so fucking awful. Like, ice skater meets gray, dirty, fraggle rock, train wreck, disaster-ville. Ew. No.

Moving on…

8.

Yay! Palate Cleansed! This dress. Favorite. These shoes. Favorite. The dress with the shoes. Favorite! Her hair is perfect with those loose waves. The dress is playful and the shoes are naughty. It looks sort of uncomfortable, but she looks so comfortable in it. Loved this look the moment I saw it. And as a nod to Diane Kruger, check it out on this shitty model. It looks way worse, right?:

The designer is Versus, and they apparently pick shit models. That model looks like she’s on meth. Diane Kruger though, she’s a babe. And such a fun case study!

 

Thanks for joining as I judge all her Cannes 2012 outfits. If you want me to judge anyone in particular, please let me know at cheapwineandpantylines@gmail.com. Open to suggestions, otherwise, I’m thinking I’ll line up…Kristen Stewart. No, seriously, I love to stare at and think about her style choices!

xoxo, Lou

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Met Gala Part II

Alright. Part II. Let’s just jump right in. Cause I’m pretty sure I could even do a part iii.

Beyonce

Feathers must be in right now because there were a lot of them at the Met this year. Purple must be in too. But no purple feathered mess was as booty-licious as Beyonce’s. I really WANT to like this. It has a J. Lo Versace thing going on…and yet, all I see is ice skating costume. Applause for wearing it so soon after the blessed Blue Ivy, but, I’m just so stuck on 5 out of 10. It all just looks like so much..work. Fine, fine. Because it’s Beyonce and I think she’s hot as shit, I’m going to go 6.5 out of 10. Not my fave, not completely original, but fun, and all anyone can do is stare at her butt. My kind of fashion.

 

Diane Krueger 

I’ll admit straight up, I’m a usually a huge Diane Krueger fan. She has quirky style. It’s original and a little hipster. She’s skinny without making me want to yell at her like I do Kate Bosworth. I just…like her styles. Unfortunately, I do not like these styles. She looks like the feather duster in the Beauty and the Beast movie. I like the pendant. And I fucking Adore her hair and makeup. She’s almost vibing some Sienna Miller, no? But all in all? It’s all just so…heavy. The heavy with the effortless hair and makeup though? Ok, that’s kind of expert. Regardless of this review, Diane, I think you’re a babe. 6 out of 10. 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

Usually so fashion forward. Right now, I’d like to stab my fucking eyeballs out of my face. 1 out of 10. The 1 is for the gold cuffs.

 

Mary Kate Olson

The Olsen twins. Super hot, right? But Jesus sometimes they look so fucking stupid. Mary Kate Olsen just looks miserable here. Pinched. I really like the sleeve detail, and yet, it’s also all so very Gothic Bride. She looks, just, weird. Not a fan. But only because I know she could do So. Much. Better. 4 out of 10. 

 

Cameron Diaz

Here’s the thing. I’ve never been a huge Cameron Diaz fan. Yeah. I like her perky, dirty, I-hang-with-the-boys demeanor, but looks-wise? Meh. Just, not my thing. She’s very cut. A lot of hard edges on this one. That’s not to say I don’t have leg envy or that I wouldn’t get piss drunk with her and talk filthy, but all in all, I wouldn’t want to bang her. This dress coincides with all of the above. She should have on a hot pink mini-skirt. That’s how I see Cammie D. This reads old. It’s so beaded and beige. Her back is hot but her boobs look mole hills. 3 out of 10. 3 for being your age and still looking overall HOT AS SHIT.

 

Gisele Bundchen

I pretty much always love what this Brazilian bombshell wears to the Met. With Tom Brady on her arm too, it’s always fucking Ken and Barbie, escaped from their boxes. This year is actually no different. I’ll tell you what. I’m tempted to call this boring, but I just can’t. I fucking swoon over this dress. Most everything about it. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t help to have that face and that body as a hangar. Perfect. Cleavage.  And what is that? A knuckle ring? I love that! Subtly is my jam. 9 out of 10. 9 for Tom Brady’s effed up hair. wtf?

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

This looks like something a teenager should be wearing. She looks very out of place in this gown. And very…skinny. Deprived. Uncomfortable. I’ll say it. I hate it. I just really can’t find a positive. Even her skin looks too orange. Ok fine, her legs are sick. But no. For the amount of money and connections this rich bitch has, this should be worlds better than it is. 1.5 out of 10. 

 

Part III tomorrow?

xoxo, Lou