On the street edition: Doing it…right?

Ms. Cuntbook just sent me another picture from L.A.

She and I both agree that we don’t hate this. Perhaps we just can’t pull it off. I do recall Lou wearing something similar years ago when we ventured to Silverado, Portland’s dick flopping male strip club. Pretty sure she was wearing a negligee (speaking of which, I had no idea that’s how you spelled that, it looks wrong and weird), some cut offs and stockings attached to the negligee. I had on a leopard print bustier and cowboy boots. Obviously we win at life. Why the fuck don’t we have pictures of that??

I’ve gotta give her props for going for it. And again, lovely hair. I’m interested to hear what Lou has to say about this because I feel like she’s going to love it.

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Doing it wrong: on the streets edition

My girl on the streets of Los Angeles, Ms. Cuntbook, sent me this gem of a photo. She’s out living the good life, drinking in the bar with all the pretty people and documenting it for us to mock.

Camel toe….Boner or no boner?

Because I say: Jean shorts? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

I look forward to more sneakily snapped fashion shots from so cal or anywhere for that matter. Or do like Lou and ask a girl with a bangin’ jacket if she’ll let us take her picture. Bad fashion, good fashion, we want it all. So get out your cell phones, my darlins, snap away.

Doing It Right

Just because even I’m gagging on my poopiness lately, I wanted to post pictures of actual attractive people wearing jean shorts in an attractive way. To prove that I do like things. Especially hot girls in short shorts.

Legs for days. That girl is working those shorts. Also, I have massive hair envy.

It’s upsetting how attractive this girl is. I’m super digging the whole outfit.

I’m posting this for two reasons. One, I think it’s a hot outfit even though I could never get away with that midriff business. Two, I believe she’s wearing the shoes that Lou hates with such a venomous passion. I don’t mind them…But she needs to write her hate parade post on them and I’m hoping this will spur her into action.

Speaking of midriff baring tops that I can’t pull off. I LOVE this. I wish that I would have worn it when I was 18. Somehow I think 32 is not the time to start wearing bra tops in public. Unless aerial gets me into even more bangin’ shape than I’m anticipating.

I can’t wait for summer weather and the opportunity to wear way, way less clothing! I want cut off shorts and platform sandals and floppy hats galore!

There….see? I can be positive.

Hate Parade: Dumpy Jean Shorts

I swear that I’m going to write a happy-I-love-this kind of post soon. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll let Lou be good cop while I continue to be hellacious cunt cop. Either way, I’m hate parading again.

While doing “research” for my Coachella post, I came across so many pictures of adorable girls wearing shorts that make them look like they just dropped a load. A load that has settled in the front, resulting in a fat camel toe of fabric.

Prime example.

As much as I’d love to slap the smug out of Miley Cyrus, she’s got a great body. So why does she insist on wearing these shorts again and again. Not only are the unflattering in the crotchal region, they’re acid wash. Ew.

Zoe Kravitz. Super cute, young girl. Why are you trying to look like a mom from the 80’s who has had five kids and can’t fit her fup into anything other than these shorts? WHY?

What. The. Shit.

Even ScarJo can’t make this trend look good. Her vagina looks ten miles wide.

Ladies, I understand the desire for high waist shorts. They can be stylish and attractive. But this is not the way. Find me a man who looks at these shorts and thinks, “Oh hell yes. I love it when her vag looks like a swollen fortune cookie. Sooo hot.”

Find some shorts that FIT. Please. And for the love of God, Lou, if 6 months from now I’m wearing this shit and singing it’s praises. Please slap me and make me take them off. Even in the middle of the park. Do not let me walk around in these.