Met Gala Fashion Review Part I

The Met Fashion Gala is by far my favorite red carpet events of the year. Not only are crazy, original, fun dresses encouraged, this shit is hosted by none other than Anna Wintour herself. There is no fashion judging party like an Anna Wintour fashion judging party. And on that note…let the judgement begin!

Kate Upton

This broad became most famous recently for shoving her big beautiful tits into a teeny bikini on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition. She needs to stick with that because, uh, drag queen! Except a drag queen would know better than to wear such an ill-fitting piece of garb. I mean…it makes her look like she has a pooch! And this bitch does not have a pooch. It does nothing for her. Period. 3 out of 10 : if I have to say something nice about it, I’ll say I like the sheer lines around her hips. But that. is. it! Fail.


Carey Mulligan

Love! It was my gut reaction when I saw her. My sister said she looks like a glamorous fish and while it sounds bad, it actually isn’t, as evidenced by this British beauty. If I could change anything, it’d be to give her a wash of color on her lips and maybe change up those shoes. But otherwise she’s channeling some Hunger Games girl on fire type shit here and I ain’t mad about it. Also love the hair. 7 out of 10


Kate Bosworth

Whoa. The tight ass top knot. The lips! The matching dress! The horrible insta-tan. She reminds me of a bird in a oil slick. I feel greasy just looking at her. And when’s the last time she’s been in a movie? I’m … not turned on by anything Kate Bosworth is giving me right here. I don’t think I hate this dress in theory and I quite like the shoes. I love, love, love a sexy open back. It’s just – on her? No. I can’t, I just … Eat a cheeseburger, bitch. 2 out of 10.

Addendum: The more I look at her, the less I hate it, but still. Still. There’s something not right here.


Florence Welch

If Kate Bosworth was trying too hard, well Florence Welch is a mother fucking fashion darling. Does she look like she wore this right off one of those crazy runways that makes you think “no one ever wears that shit for reals”? Well she actually did do just that … Minus the visor. And, I don’t hate it, I don’t hate it at all. You know why? Cause it’s the Met Mother Fucking Gala. I don’t care if it looks like she just stepped off a  mother fucking space ship. This dress makes you stop for a minute and think. For better or worse. And the color looks great with her hair. A very hard color to pull off indeed…well-played Florence. (PS – it’s McQuen. Nuff said) 8 out of 10.

Tune in tomorrow for more dress reviews! Including my best and worst of the year. …this is fun!

xoxo, Lou