Blue Lip Beauty Experiment

Someone commented over on the ol’ Facebook page about trying out blue lipstick.

I’m not sure when blue lipstick became a thing, but I suspect that slut Ke$ha has something to do with it.

And now it’s made its way from the very cesspool of celebrity stardom to Portland, OR where me and two of my lady friends saw some broad sporting it at Dig a Pony. Of course, right?

We stared at her all night trying to decide if we liked it or not. I came to the conclusion that she looked stupid. Jordan said she liked it cause everything else about the girl was ‘normal’. I maintain that she liked it cause everything else about the girl was 90’s, but I still caught her drift. It wasn’t like she had on full sci-fi Mad Max fashion accessories.

And Jessica, pretty sure she just couldn’t stop staring at the hideous heels on the bitches behind us. They were like, I don’t know, like this maybe? (I was on my second vodka drink by this point)

Anyway, blue lips. Yeah…it’s a thing now again, huh? I kinda wanna try it. It’s so kooky and zany! Except, actually it’s not. I’m just afraid that with my fair skin I might end up looking like Laura Palmer.

But screw it. I aim to please. Especially my readers. So, for Ian Alexander Galloway, I will do this.

Here is some inspiration to draw from. I largely think how my own face turns out looking will largely depend on whatever $0.99 option Wet & Wild offers.

Ok! So watch for that. Me and my blue lips.

I also know I was drunk last night when I wrote about Rachel McAdams, cause I apparently also started a post about Lana Del Rey’s fashion that I don’t remember and that I was too tipsy to finish. Watch for that too.

xoxo, Lou

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Parade of Assholes: The Second Weekend

One weekend of celebutards prancing around Coachella in costumes from Hair was apparently not enough. The second weekend proved to be just as hideous and upsetting as the first.

The outfit that really got my attention was this one:

Emma Roberts, WTF? Why perfectly attractive women insist on shoving themselves into unflattering, ill fitting and just plain puzzling outfits like these is a fucking mystery to me. First off, the whole unbuttoned jean short thing hasn’t been cool since bitches were doing it while dry humping Eric Nies on MTV’s The Grind back in the 90’s. (I just dated myself pretty bad there since I’m reasonably sure that I’m the only one old enough to remember The Grind…and how badly I wanted to be on it.) Second, that top looks like an old tourist shirt from Hawaii that she put through a paper shredder, made sure it was two sizes too small and then squeezed into in the hopes that it would look like an upset cockring around her middle.

Also, her friend’s vagina is starving. It’s eating those shorts like a pancake breakfast.

Why stop at one puke worthy outfit? She goes for the gold in several more.

That one wouldn’t be so bad. If it fit her at all. It looks like a maternity jumper that is now deflated because she gave birth.

Of course, there were other assholes on parade. And I want to slap all of them.

Ouch…?

You’re orange. That is all.

You are not amish. That is all.

P.S. You’re in the desert.

I have no words. Except….Minnie Mouse is going to a funeral but is too lazy to change out of her slippers.

Another case of hungry vagina.

P.S. Girl eating watermelon, you are awesome.

¬†Okay, I’m done. I can’t wait for the Oscars so I can spew my hate all over that shit. By hate I mean my absolute bitterness that no one is paying me to put on a $25,000 dress and drunk walk down the red carpet.