Full disclaimer. I’m not drunk. In fact, I spent the day playing hookie and painting my nails this awesome shade of mint while watching a 30 Rock marathon and eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I mean, it’s kind of like being drunk … and was the result of me being too drunk last night, so I guess at the end of the day it counts and we can consider me drunk right now.
(great color, right?)
Anyway, back to being fake drunk … what do I do when I’m drunk? Or sober? Or fake drunk? I judge people’s outfits! Today I want to judge Kristen Stewart, which leads me to my second confession, I have a total girl crush on her. Yes, I know she was in that twatty vampire trilogy, but I think she’s a major babe. Not so much in flat, 1-dimmensional pictures, but when she’s moving it’s hot. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, her lips are a weird, full shape, and she’s skinny, pale, and has great hair. Look at this face! I love it.
Also, I like that every time I see a pap shot of her in an airport, she’s dressed exactly like I dress almost every day. Plain jane. Someone said to my boyfriend that other day “Lou dresses so plain … it’s funny to me she keeps a fashion blog”. Yes, well, I’m drunk and judgmental and love looking at clothes, so that’s where it stems from. Not from me being a fashionista myself. I’m all about the critique and the magazines and the industry gossip. But I enjoy these things while dressing myself every day more or less like this:
I also think if I were to suddenly come in to a bunch of money cause someone made me the star of some horribly-written, blindingly successful movie trilogy, that I would make the same fashion choices as KS. For the most part, I love the fashion choices she makes, and like Diane Kruger, even when I don’t, I still enjoy looking at her because she never bores me.
The Balenciaga above? No. I don’t like it. But it’s fucking interesting to look at, right? I love the top. Love the top and would love the top with regular leather pants, but these look like they’re eating her feet, and her toes being exposed weirds me out like the pants thought her toes tasted funny and it’s all just so fashion-y and gross looking to me. Distracting. But her styling is perfection…
Here’s another dress that I don’t necessarily like, but that I still find myself staring at because it’s fucking interesting!
The length on this dress sucks. Combined with those hideous shoes? Her shins look like stubby kindergartner’s legs. And yes, all kindergartner’s have stubby shins. It’s a fact.
I don’t like the 80’s coloring. I don’t like anything, but it’s interesting. And again, I love the unfettered styling. And again, it’s Balenciaga .. makes sense right? Here’s the detailing.
It’s cool to look at, it’s just not for me. However, she wears so many dresses that I would snatch up in a heartbeat.
Look at this Balmain red leather … want! So much texture. I am a sucker for hardware.
Lace Valentino? Yes please! I guess I love texture because what these two lace fabrics do to me is disgusting. It makes me want to own a dress that probably costs as much as my college education. And I couldn’t have chosen a better shade of red lipstick myself. Love.
She looks wasted here. But the dress is super cute. It’s Yigal Azrouël. And of course she pairs it with high tops, which makes me love her more. It’s super charming. And oh, she does it all the fucking time. These dresses that cost more than your life? Yeah, she often kicks of her heels to throw on a pair of Vans. My kind of girl.
This dress is Marchesa. And I hate it. But I love that she put on some kicks.
Cute. Even though it looks sort of sloppy, I bet the bitch is comfortable. And frankly, I love that after her red carpet requirements, she cares more about her comfort than she does keeping up appearances.
So many of the dresses I just posted above show off her pale skinny legs, and they’re great legs, so I see why, but some of my favorite looks from her come when she branches out from this cocktail length and plays with shape:
Cannes 2012 in Reem Acra
I love this gown. Give it to me in a black, gray, dark purple, and I am all over it. Would definitely choose it for myself were I to ever require a red carpet gown.
Love the belt! And the dress length. And the Scottish-ness of this dress. It looks cozy and sexy. And I want to wear it right now.
This is definitely one of those outfits I would never choose for myself, but would love if someone chose for me and I love it on her. While I typically shy away from pointy heels, how can I hate these Christian Louboutin’s? They’re fucking rad.
And wow! I feel better. Judging fashion is good for my soul. So is looking at Kristen Stewart’s pretty face. Now I just want to go put on some makeup and take my ass to the park for some sun and maybe, just maybe, a beer. It’s 80 and sunny here in Portland, which means there will be tons of terrible fashion to judge in the park. God bless it.
Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any fashion babes you’d like a profile of. So far I have Diane Kruger and K Stew … who should I do next???
Until next time!