Neon Red Carpet

We all know I like the looks of Kristen Stewart, and we also all know I am not always a fan of neon, so imagine my dismay when I saw this:

On Lainey Gossip.

I’m pretty sure I said in my article about neon that it was usually a case of all or nothing, and yet, this just really doesn’t do it for me. When I see the thumbnails all lined up in a row, I just really hate how it pops off the page. Maybe I’m just a total square.

What she did do right though was wear these awesome fucking shoes:

It’s an awesome pairing and one that I can approve of:

But maybe it’s not even the neon … that dress just kind of accentuates her awkwardness, right? Maybe we can just chalk it up to the fact that she’s at the premier for Twilight so almost everything has to suck ass.

Anyway, what this is all reminding me of is the fact that I still haven’t posted my profile on art gallery owner extraordinaire and gorgeous girl friend of mine, (despite loving neon) Paige. I’ll shoot off my fashion questions to her today and post that profile asap.

In the meantime, tell me what you think: K Stew in neon … hit or miss?

xoxo, Lou

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Neon? More Like Ne-off.

I’ve decided I hate something.  Which obviously means I should take to the blog and bitch about it.

What I hate has to do with the neon color trend. When it first started to crawl out from the hole that is the 1980’s, I didn’t hate it. In fact, as an accent I did and still do, kind of like it. When done right, neon is fun and funky. But when it’s done wrong, you can’t NOT see it and it becomes this invitation to look at the cheap, horrendously bright t-shirts Forever 21 is slangin off their sales racks.

Google ‘neon trend’ and a ton of cute shit pops up, but somehow, this is never the shit I see out in the real world. I don’t think college girls slapping on the brightest fucking pink t-shirt they’ve ever seen is cute. Pairing a neon t-shirt with your regular blue jeans? No! No, I just … I can’t stand it. Let’s look at some examples of wrong before I show you how right it actually can be.

No. I hate this so much. With all these other muted colors? Not to mention the insane proportions of that tank/skirt. I just despise what it does to my eye. It’s a lazy way to work neon and with this trend all lazy does is make me want to chug whatever kind of alchol that advertisment behind her is trying to sell me.

This ad is everything that’s wrong with stupid neon. Every time I see it on the street, god damn I get so distracted, and not in a hot guy way or in a child playing with a puppy kind of way, but in a bum taking a crap on the street kind of way. I can’t really look away cause it’s so glaring, but I also can’t stop my nose from crinkling in disgust either.

Nope. I sometimes don’t mind when it’s ALL neon, but this really makes me want to shield my eyes.

Gross. Don’t like. Argue with me on that one. Go ahead, but I just, can’t be convinced.

Holy Hell what is going on here?

Maybe I just hate green/yellow neon? No. I think just extra hate yellow/green neon.

A lot of the time, neon can look really, really cute! I honestly think it’s when bitches don’t try that hard or when they just throw it in with the rest of their normal wardrobe without any thought that I develop an aversion similar to what it must be like to break out in hives.

Here are some looks that give me the opposite feelings.

Remember this? I actually really liked this. Because it’s not a main component of her actually clothing. This is like having hot pink toenails, which can be really cute!

Also this – I would and want to be wearing this outfit right. now.

So cute. I love it. Where do I buy it?

Oxfords were/are poppin up everywhere and I really adore this take on them. In fact I want them! I even saw them in real life at the bar the other day on this woman who was a hot, hot mess and I was much more likely to disregard her slurring nonsense talk because her shoes were so pleasing to me.

See? It’s clearly a really drastic spectrum for me.

What do you think about this? Here are those shoes on someone and you know, it’s similar to J. Alba up there, but what I think saves this for me is that she’s worked in neon throughout. It’s not just some random bright ass pants. And the proportions are right.

Ultimately, I think 9 times out of 10 I hate neon. It’s completely case by case, but what I’ve learned sifting through the images is that I think I like it in moderation, sparsed througout an ensemble or when babes go all out, all neon. Don’t be lazy and don’t be afraid.

If you really want to look like a piece of tropical fruit, really go for it.

Because as cute as this girl is and as much as I almost like this … I still wish her pants weren’t the color of an electric melon.

I feel like I’ll have some naysayers on this one, so go ahead, weigh in and argue with me. Send me pics of you in your hot pink shirt. Double arguement points if you’re wearing Jefferey Campbell Lita’s. I should probably never move to Miami.

xoxo, Lou

Girl Crush

Full disclaimer. I’m not drunk. In fact, I spent the day playing hookie and painting my nails this awesome shade of mint while watching a 30 Rock marathon and eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I mean, it’s kind of like being drunk … and was the result of me being too drunk last night, so I guess at the end of the day it counts and we can consider me drunk right now.

(great color, right?)

Anyway, back to being fake drunk … what do I do when I’m drunk? Or sober? Or fake drunk? I judge people’s outfits! Today I want to judge Kristen Stewart, which leads me to my second confession, I have a total girl crush on her. Yes, I know she was in that twatty vampire trilogy, but I think she’s a major babe. Not so much in flat, 1-dimmensional pictures, but when she’s moving it’s hot. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, her lips are a weird, full shape, and she’s skinny, pale, and has great hair. Look at this face! I love it.

Also, I like that every time I see a pap shot of her in an airport, she’s dressed exactly like I dress almost every day. Plain jane. Someone said to my boyfriend that other day “Lou dresses so plain … it’s funny to me she keeps a fashion blog”. Yes, well, I’m drunk and judgmental and love looking at clothes, so that’s where it stems from. Not from me being a fashionista myself. I’m all about the critique and the magazines and the industry gossip. But I enjoy these things while dressing myself every day more or less like this:

I also think if I were to suddenly come in to a bunch of money cause someone made me the star of some horribly-written, blindingly successful movie trilogy, that I would make the same fashion choices as KS. For the most part, I love the fashion choices she makes, and like Diane Kruger, even when I don’t, I still enjoy looking at her because she never bores me.

The Balenciaga above? No. I don’t like it. But it’s fucking interesting to look at, right? I love the top. Love the top and would love the top with regular leather pants, but these look like they’re eating her feet, and her toes being exposed weirds me out like the pants thought her toes tasted funny and it’s all just so fashion-y and gross looking to me. Distracting. But her styling is perfection…

Here’s another dress that I don’t necessarily like, but that I still find myself staring at because it’s fucking interesting!

The length on this dress sucks. Combined with those hideous shoes? Her shins look like stubby kindergartner’s legs. And yes, all kindergartner’s have stubby shins. It’s a fact.

I don’t like the 80’s coloring. I don’t like anything, but it’s interesting. And again, I love the unfettered styling. And again, it’s Balenciaga .. makes sense right? Here’s the detailing.

It’s cool to look at, it’s just not for me. However, she wears so many dresses that I would snatch up in a heartbeat.

Look at this Balmain red leather … want! So much texture. I am a sucker for hardware.

Lace Valentino? Yes please! I guess I love texture because what these two lace fabrics do to me is disgusting. It makes me want to own a dress that probably costs as much as my college education. And I couldn’t have chosen a better shade of red lipstick myself. Love.

She looks wasted here. But the dress is super cute. It’s Yigal Azrouël. And of course she pairs it with high tops, which makes me love her more. It’s super charming. And oh, she does it all the fucking time. These dresses that cost more than your life? Yeah, she often kicks of her heels to throw on a pair of Vans. My kind of girl.

This dress is Marchesa. And I hate it. But I love that she put on some kicks.

Cute. Even though it looks sort of sloppy, I bet the bitch is comfortable. And frankly, I love that after her red carpet requirements, she cares more about her comfort than she does keeping up appearances.

So many of the dresses I just posted above show off her pale skinny legs, and they’re great legs, so I see why, but some of my favorite looks from her come when she branches out from this cocktail length and plays with shape:

Cannes 2012 in Reem Acra

I love this gown. Give it to me in a black, gray, dark purple, and I am all over it. Would definitely choose it for myself were I to ever require a red carpet gown.

Derek Lam

Love the belt! And the dress length. And the Scottish-ness of this dress. It looks cozy and sexy. And I want to wear it right now.

This is definitely one of those outfits I would never choose for myself, but would love if someone chose for me and I love it on her. While I typically shy away from pointy heels, how can I hate these Christian Louboutin’s? They’re fucking rad.

And wow! I feel better. Judging fashion is good for my soul. So is looking at Kristen Stewart’s pretty face. Now I just want to go put on some makeup and take my ass to the park for some sun and maybe, just maybe, a beer. It’s 80 and sunny here in Portland, which means there will be tons of terrible fashion to judge in the park. God bless it.

Please email me at cheapwineandpantylines@gmail.com with any fashion babes you’d like a profile of. So far I have Diane Kruger and K Stew … who should I do next???

Until next time!

xoxo, Lou