Met Gala Part II

Alright. Part II. Let’s just jump right in. Cause I’m pretty sure I could even do a part iii.

Beyonce

Feathers must be in right now because there were a lot of them at the Met this year. Purple must be in too. But no purple feathered mess was as booty-licious as Beyonce’s. I really WANT to like this. It has a J. Lo Versace thing going on…and yet, all I see is ice skating costume. Applause for wearing it so soon after the blessed Blue Ivy, but, I’m just so stuck on 5 out of 10. It all just looks like so much..work. Fine, fine. Because it’s Beyonce and I think she’s hot as shit, I’m going to go 6.5 out of 10. Not my fave, not completely original, but fun, and all anyone can do is stare at her butt. My kind of fashion.

 

Diane Krueger 

I’ll admit straight up, I’m a usually a huge Diane Krueger fan. She has quirky style. It’s original and a little hipster. She’s skinny without making me want to yell at her like I do Kate Bosworth. I just…like her styles. Unfortunately, I do not like these styles. She looks like the feather duster in the Beauty and the Beast movie. I like the pendant. And I fucking Adore her hair and makeup. She’s almost vibing some Sienna Miller, no? But all in all? It’s all just so…heavy. The heavy with the effortless hair and makeup though? Ok, that’s kind of expert. Regardless of this review, Diane, I think you’re a babe. 6 out of 10. 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

Usually so fashion forward. Right now, I’d like to stab my fucking eyeballs out of my face. 1 out of 10. The 1 is for the gold cuffs.

 

Mary Kate Olson

The Olsen twins. Super hot, right? But Jesus sometimes they look so fucking stupid. Mary Kate Olsen just looks miserable here. Pinched. I really like the sleeve detail, and yet, it’s also all so very Gothic Bride. She looks, just, weird. Not a fan. But only because I know she could do So. Much. Better. 4 out of 10. 

 

Cameron Diaz

Here’s the thing. I’ve never been a huge Cameron Diaz fan. Yeah. I like her perky, dirty, I-hang-with-the-boys demeanor, but looks-wise? Meh. Just, not my thing. She’s very cut. A lot of hard edges on this one. That’s not to say I don’t have leg envy or that I wouldn’t get piss drunk with her and talk filthy, but all in all, I wouldn’t want to bang her. This dress coincides with all of the above. She should have on a hot pink mini-skirt. That’s how I see Cammie D. This reads old. It’s so beaded and beige. Her back is hot but her boobs look mole hills. 3 out of 10. 3 for being your age and still looking overall HOT AS SHIT.

 

Gisele Bundchen

I pretty much always love what this Brazilian bombshell wears to the Met. With Tom Brady on her arm too, it’s always fucking Ken and Barbie, escaped from their boxes. This year is actually no different. I’ll tell you what. I’m tempted to call this boring, but I just can’t. I fucking swoon over this dress. Most everything about it. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t help to have that face and that body as a hangar. Perfect. Cleavage.  And what is that? A knuckle ring? I love that! Subtly is my jam. 9 out of 10. 9 for Tom Brady’s effed up hair. wtf?

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

This looks like something a teenager should be wearing. She looks very out of place in this gown. And very…skinny. Deprived. Uncomfortable. I’ll say it. I hate it. I just really can’t find a positive. Even her skin looks too orange. Ok fine, her legs are sick. But no. For the amount of money and connections this rich bitch has, this should be worlds better than it is. 1.5 out of 10. 

 

Part III tomorrow?

xoxo, Lou

Advertisements

I’ve lost my inner hipster, help me find her

I’M BACK!!!!

We finally moved back to fabulous, weird, rainy, snarky, hipster supreme Portland!

I couldn’t be happier about being back here. It feels like home. It’s so good to have Lou sitting in front of me, chugging tall cans of PBR and spouting off a steady stream of amazing ideas on how to make this blog more awesome.

Unfortunately, I picked up some bad habits in sunny San Diego. The biggest Portland fashion faux pas: Being too well groomed. Working in La Jolla, land of the yuppiest of yuppies, it was important for me to have unscuffed boots, blown out hair, well applied natural make-up and smartly put together outfits. I could get a little funky but it still had to look…expensive and new.

In Portland, being polished is practically a sin. My severe bob with straight bangs seems like it’s trying to hard. I need artfully mussed hair that always looks as if it’s been ground into the pillows by some fabulous, sweaty sex. Mary Kate Olsen has perfected the art of just fucked hair.I would slap a child for that hair. Hell, I’d slap five.

 My shoes all look too new. My dresses look too generic. Everything in my closet made sense when I was in SoCal but now it makes no sense at all. It’s like going to Alaska with a wardrobe better fit for Hawaii. Getting dressed every day has been so confusing that I keep pulling on the same skinny jeans and hoodie.

My daily project is putting the things I own together in different ways. I have to regain my fashion spontaneity. I need to get comfortable taking risks again. The last year has been a reasonably boring year fashion wise for me. I mean, it’s San Diego. I spent most of my days like this:

The other night we went to the art show of a friend of our’s and in spite of the fact that I was biking there, I made an effort to look cute, Portland-style. The end result was pairing grey jeans with brown boots (which for some reason was a huge faux pas down south) and throwing on a fedora that someone left at my house.

It’s a start!

Got some Portland hipster fashion advice for me? Something that normal “fashionable” people would never do? Tell me!

It’s great to be back!

xoxoxo-SB