Met Gala Part II

Alright. Part II. Let’s just jump right in. Cause I’m pretty sure I could even do a part iii.

Beyonce

Feathers must be in right now because there were a lot of them at the Met this year. Purple must be in too. But no purple feathered mess was as booty-licious as Beyonce’s. I really WANT to like this. It has a J. Lo Versace thing going on…and yet, all I see is ice skating costume. Applause for wearing it so soon after the blessed Blue Ivy, but, I’m just so stuck on 5 out of 10. It all just looks like so much..work. Fine, fine. Because it’s Beyonce and I think she’s hot as shit, I’m going to go 6.5 out of 10. Not my fave, not completely original, but fun, and all anyone can do is stare at her butt. My kind of fashion.

 

Diane Krueger 

I’ll admit straight up, I’m a usually a huge Diane Krueger fan. She has quirky style. It’s original and a little hipster. She’s skinny without making me want to yell at her like I do Kate Bosworth. I just…like her styles. Unfortunately, I do not like these styles. She looks like the feather duster in the Beauty and the Beast movie. I like the pendant. And I fucking Adore her hair and makeup. She’s almost vibing some Sienna Miller, no? But all in all? It’s all just so…heavy. The heavy with the effortless hair and makeup though? Ok, that’s kind of expert. Regardless of this review, Diane, I think you’re a babe. 6 out of 10. 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

Usually so fashion forward. Right now, I’d like to stab my fucking eyeballs out of my face. 1 out of 10. The 1 is for the gold cuffs.

 

Mary Kate Olson

The Olsen twins. Super hot, right? But Jesus sometimes they look so fucking stupid. Mary Kate Olsen just looks miserable here. Pinched. I really like the sleeve detail, and yet, it’s also all so very Gothic Bride. She looks, just, weird. Not a fan. But only because I know she could do So. Much. Better. 4 out of 10. 

 

Cameron Diaz

Here’s the thing. I’ve never been a huge Cameron Diaz fan. Yeah. I like her perky, dirty, I-hang-with-the-boys demeanor, but looks-wise? Meh. Just, not my thing. She’s very cut. A lot of hard edges on this one. That’s not to say I don’t have leg envy or that I wouldn’t get piss drunk with her and talk filthy, but all in all, I wouldn’t want to bang her. This dress coincides with all of the above. She should have on a hot pink mini-skirt. That’s how I see Cammie D. This reads old. It’s so beaded and beige. Her back is hot but her boobs look mole hills. 3 out of 10. 3 for being your age and still looking overall HOT AS SHIT.

 

Gisele Bundchen

I pretty much always love what this Brazilian bombshell wears to the Met. With Tom Brady on her arm too, it’s always fucking Ken and Barbie, escaped from their boxes. This year is actually no different. I’ll tell you what. I’m tempted to call this boring, but I just can’t. I fucking swoon over this dress. Most everything about it. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t help to have that face and that body as a hangar. Perfect. Cleavage.  And what is that? A knuckle ring? I love that! Subtly is my jam. 9 out of 10. 9 for Tom Brady’s effed up hair. wtf?

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

This looks like something a teenager should be wearing. She looks very out of place in this gown. And very…skinny. Deprived. Uncomfortable. I’ll say it. I hate it. I just really can’t find a positive. Even her skin looks too orange. Ok fine, her legs are sick. But no. For the amount of money and connections this rich bitch has, this should be worlds better than it is. 1.5 out of 10. 

 

Part III tomorrow?

xoxo, Lou

Met Gala Fashion Review Part I

The Met Fashion Gala is by far my favorite red carpet events of the year. Not only are crazy, original, fun dresses encouraged, this shit is hosted by none other than Anna Wintour herself. There is no fashion judging party like an Anna Wintour fashion judging party. And on that note…let the judgement begin!

Kate Upton

This broad became most famous recently for shoving her big beautiful tits into a teeny bikini on the cover of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition. She needs to stick with that because, uh, drag queen! Except a drag queen would know better than to wear such an ill-fitting piece of garb. I mean…it makes her look like she has a pooch! And this bitch does not have a pooch. It does nothing for her. Period. 3 out of 10 : if I have to say something nice about it, I’ll say I like the sheer lines around her hips. But that. is. it! Fail.

 

Carey Mulligan

Love! It was my gut reaction when I saw her. My sister said she looks like a glamorous fish and while it sounds bad, it actually isn’t, as evidenced by this British beauty. If I could change anything, it’d be to give her a wash of color on her lips and maybe change up those shoes. But otherwise she’s channeling some Hunger Games girl on fire type shit here and I ain’t mad about it. Also love the hair. 7 out of 10

 

Kate Bosworth

Whoa. The tight ass top knot. The lips! The matching dress! The horrible insta-tan. She reminds me of a bird in a oil slick. I feel greasy just looking at her. And when’s the last time she’s been in a movie? I’m … not turned on by anything Kate Bosworth is giving me right here. I don’t think I hate this dress in theory and I quite like the shoes. I love, love, love a sexy open back. It’s just – on her? No. I can’t, I just … Eat a cheeseburger, bitch. 2 out of 10.

Addendum: The more I look at her, the less I hate it, but still. Still. There’s something not right here.

 

Florence Welch

If Kate Bosworth was trying too hard, well Florence Welch is a mother fucking fashion darling. Does she look like she wore this right off one of those crazy runways that makes you think “no one ever wears that shit for reals”? Well she actually did do just that … Minus the visor. And, I don’t hate it, I don’t hate it at all. You know why? Cause it’s the Met Mother Fucking Gala. I don’t care if it looks like she just stepped off a  mother fucking space ship. This dress makes you stop for a minute and think. For better or worse. And the color looks great with her hair. A very hard color to pull off indeed…well-played Florence. (PS – it’s McQuen. Nuff said) 8 out of 10.

Tune in tomorrow for more dress reviews! Including my best and worst of the year. …this is fun!

xoxo, Lou