V M Assy Fashion

I don’t know what was up with the VMA’s this year. I mean, typically it’s a time for celebrities to dress like idiots, assholes, hookers, whatever … anything goes!

But this year, they just fell flat. Failed to impress. When I think of the VMA’s and “fashion”, I think of epic moments such as:

Christina Aguilera (or was it X-Tina then?) in her Dirrrty phase. How great was that?

 

I’ll tell ya, it wasn’t as great as Lil’ Kim’s epic boob hang.

Amirite?

And then there was that time Katy Perry wore a block … of … cheese? On her head.

 

Maybe I only want that to be cheese since I’m from Minnesota and we have cheese heads for our neighbors over there.

Point is, those were pretty rad moments in “fashion”, all owed to the stupid ass Video Music Awards. God Bless Em.

This year. This year stars fell flat! And looked stupid doing it. But not in a good way. Shall we being our critique? Methinks I need more wine ….

Ok, ready.

I think I have to talk about Taylor Swift first. So she’s dating this Kennedy now, right? Have you read about this? Or am I on a crazy gossip tangent? Anyway, she looked OLD! She looked…old! Like, Sharon Stone looks really great for her age and not in a crazy plastic surgery way because that wouldn’t be looking great, but in like, a, why is Taylor Swift trying to look as old as me way?

That’s a J. Mendel suit. And maybe it’s not even that she looks old. Maybe it’s that she looks like she’s a doll from the 80’s? She reminds me of the spectator pumps my mom used to wear in the 80’s:

And her face for sure has a Robert Palmer “Addicted to Love” thing going on:

She could have just had so much more fun with this. Instead, she bored me. And I hate when people with access to awesome fashion bore me. Especially at an event like this!

I’ll allow argument. I guess. But overall I think it’s dastardly. I must be tipsy cause I thought right there I might be making up a word. And on my way home from Whole Foods on this gorgeous Portland night, I opened my wine and took many, many healthy adult-sized swigs.

Moving along.

Miley Cyrus. Duh.

 

So, my lovely love Crystal recently wrote about Short Hair Don Care Miley Cyrus. I’m all for it. But I’m not all for … whatever this is. I love her when she’s got her

… I have no idea what I was going to say there. Let’s assume I was going to say that I DON’T love, oh! I remember! I was going to say I love when she wears that short hair all piece-y and funky. This looks dated and stuffy. To me at least. I would like this better if she were going to the grocery. This hair with jeans and a crop top. This gown with laid back piece-y hair. I prefer the juxtaposition.
Oh and, dated and stuffy. Sorry Pink. I really do like your music sometimes.

Have you even made any music recently? You seem out of place here.

You know what else seems out of place?

Worst fucking thing I’ve ever seen. What? Wha..why? That top! It looks like Victoria Secret styrofoam. With the different material skirt? Are they separates? I don’t know. I don’t care because I can’t stop staring at the STUPID leopard head scarf, which sort of looks like a headband I wear to keep my bangs back when I wash my face. Nuff said, right? Don’t get me started on her choice of shoes. I would like to punch Jessica Szohr in the face for making me see this.

I need something to make me happy, quick!

Ahhh better. I love that these two are such great friends. Girlfriends. Is there anything better?

This comes close:

Uh, thank you! Riff Raff. For bringing the kind of absurdity I like to see on the VMA red carpet! Is that .. what … hm, let’s move on.
Katy Perry this year. This post is mostly about things I hated at the VMA’s this year, so I am not going near Rhianna cause, well, I thought she looked hot. Per usual. Her home girl though? Mehhhhh

I really like this dress! I do. It’s really pretty and I love the see-through. But, I keep thinking of the lead singer of Evanescence. Remember that band? And, I’m just not sure this is a good thing.

Amy Lee is really cute. I’m just not sure that’s what Katy Perry was going for. The styling is off and well, it’s a little tame for her, right?

What else do I got …

I approve. Next!

 

Oh yeah this. Amber Rose. Ok, ok, so I write horror stories in my free time and love horror movies, so I might be skewed, but to me this looks like she’s got some crazy flesh eating virus coursing through her veins that has given her black eyes while sucking all of the other color from her face. Just me?
Poor baby.
Let’s end on what I consider to be the best dressed VMA attendee this year:

Ru Paul.

Because, I mean, right?

Ok, well that sums up my review of the incredibly disappointing 2012 VMA Red Carpet. I don’t know who won any awards because I’m pretty sure I’m no longer their target audience.

I had a picture of Alicia Keys in  a super boring dress, but I was too bored by it to even bother posting.

Fucking. Yawn.

xoxo, Lou

 

 

 

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Short Hair Don Care

My homegirl Crystal hit me up today because she was SO excited about how sexy Miss Miley Cyrus is looking with her new short locks (have you seen yet??). She asked if she could write a guest blog about it. I said duh. Here is what she wants you all to know about being a badass and being a babe, all with no hair to hide behind. Enjoy!

Celebrities have been making headlines with short hair since Mia Farrow got a pixie from Vidal Sassoon for Rosemary’s Baby.

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A couple days ago Miley Cyrus chopped off her topknot and the internet is now a buzz with criticism. It’s your typical Mean Girls insult factory mostly revolving around two slams: 1) that she looks like a man or 2) that she looks like a lesbian. Damn, that’s cold brah.

And I get it. I have more than a few male and female friends who think short hair isn’t feminine or pretty. Oh course, looking around at most media depictions of women, shoulder length or longer is pretty much standard. A quick Google image search of “Maxium Covers” shows exactly one photo of a girl with a chin length bob. Nothing shorter. Glamour magazine doesn’t fair much better with three covers, one being Rihanna and the other two being choppy midlengths, but no pixies. Obviously women with short hair are not pretty enough to be on the cover of a magazine. (snark, eyeroll, snark)

Here’s the thing. Having short hair means you can’t hide. Your face, neck, shoulders are all out there for the world to see. Short hair in my mind is associated with being kickass, punk rock, take no prisoners. Maybe I was too into Tank Girl when I was a teenager.
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The short haired celebrities that I can think of are, for the most part, not models and certainly not what I see represented in mainstream media. (See: P!nk, Amber Rose, Ginnifer Goodwin, Rhinna, Ellen Degeneres) I actually had to stop and take a moment to rack my brain for that small list, if that tells you anything. (From Lou: Michelle Williams!!)

But back to Miley. This chick is everything I despise: Cookie Cutter, Disney manufactured, faux-tantalizing malarkey. And don’t get me started on how she threw Annie Leibovitz under the bus for that Vanity Fair spread… But I digress.

Miley took her cutesy little topknot and chopped it off.

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And guess what? Chick don’t have *no wear* to hide.

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But here’s the silver lining… When you don’t have your hair to hide behind, you become more tough, more brazen, more daring with your style. You wear more make up… Scratch that. You wear more exaggerated, fun, exciting makeup. You don’t have to be “pretty” anymore and instead can be a fucking badass. I think she looks pretty dope.

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And you couldn’t have paid me to say that before.

Lou here. I just want to give a quick steez shout out to my lady friend Lindsey. She might kill me for saying this, but when I first saw Miley’s new hair, I immediately thought of her and the first time we met. I had a major girl crush on her because her HAIR was SO rad. And she’s just a majorly awesome babe, so that helped too. I was so impressed with her ballsiness. Going from this:

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Gradually to this:

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HOT.

Being a complete baby about changing my hair, I was so attracted to the audacity she displayed with a not so simple shorn. I totally wanted to be her friend. And then I was. And it was awesome.

Thanks to Crystal for admitting she thinks Miley Cyrus is a badass (for the record, I also think she looks awesome with her new ‘do). Until next time … tell us your stories about short hair. Seems to me it’s a right of passage we all go through, or should go through, unless you’re a total pussy like me and can only get to this length before bitching out.

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xoxo, Lou