Hey assholes!

It’s supposed to be in the 70’s in Portland this weekend and guess what? My ass is working doubles all weekend. Fuck.My.Life.

However, unless I work like a mofo, I will never get the fat paychecks that I adore. Paychecks that can buy me some fabulous summer clothes. For when summer actually gets here. In three or four months.

While I’m slaving away, ripping hair out of people’s dark parts ( I don’t know why I just called them dark parts…I was thinking of the sun don’t shine on them, therefore, they’re dark…?), y’all should be out prancing around in as little clothing as possible and soaking up the rays.

I’m looking at you, Lou. I know how much you like to whore it up. SO WHORE IT UP!!!

Just to torture myself and to bore you, I’m going to get my sun through summer memories….

River trips!!

Slutty tank tops!!

Kiddie pools!!

I can’t wait for summer. Even though I work weekends and everyone else will be drunk at the park. I’ll be drunk at the park on the weekdays while you fuckers are at work! By myself….Wait…that sucks….

Go forth, drink tallboys of shit beer, get a sunburn on your pasty skin, pass out by 6pm and then wake up at 10pm ready to rage again.

Do it, Portland. Do it for me.