Like CWPL on Facebook!

In case you didn’t know, CWPL has a Facebook page!

Go “like” the CheapWineandPantyLines page to stay current on all new posts and site updates, gossip news, fashion fun, etc etc.

You’ll also get to see things like me wearing my MapleXO hoops:

Or follow me on Instagram: PortlandLou

Where you can see things like my Buffalo Exchange Motorhead find:

Currently working on a Cheap Wine and Panty Lines 2.0 where you will be able to find my articles in a more professional format with no swearing, a little less booze talk, and major publishing potential.

This concludes my Sunday Social Media overload plug.

xoxo, Lou

Breaking the Beauty Rules

My lady Crystal is at it again. Remember when she wrote about Miley’s short new ‘do? Well this time she’s back to talk to you about breaking the rules and dressing for your body type, dressing to feel good, and being an all around sexy badass. So proud of you, Chinga!
I’m up next with another profile on Miss Paige, her love for all things neon, and what it’s like to be an art gallery owning babe. Until then! xoxo, Lou 
I’m fat, in a general sense of the word. Average (or slightly below) according to the CDC’s body measurement data for the US. Huge, probably, to a model or midget. And thin, skinny or teeny-tiny to someone who knew me a year and a half ago.
I met Miss Cheap Wine and Pantylines herself two summers ago on a kickball league. I was a few months into a new lifestyle change where I was trying to take back a body that I never felt I had control over. That summer, I was about 25lbs into my journey and I am now about 50lb more. Loosing close to 75lbs put me in a body I had no idea how to dress. And over wine one afternoon, I was asked to write a post about Dressing For Your Body.
There are a lot of fashion faux pas that are bad across the board for a size 2 or a 22, but it’s all about testing what looks good on your body. For me, it meant trying EVERYTHING on, even when I assumed it would fit (cause it was my “size”) or when I thought it would look terrible (skin tight neon jeans). So here are a few “rules” I felt like breaking to prove my point.
Don’t wear bright colors or things that are tight…
 blue.jpg blue
Fuck that noise!! And here is where Lucy and I may disagree, but I am into the bright color trend. Maybe not neon specifically, but bold is good as long as it’s paired with a neutral. Maybe even more specifically, with white or black. I read and heard SO MUCH shit when leggings and skinny jeans became a trend about how plus size chicks shouldn’t wear them. (Made me nostalgic for the “Spandex is a privilege, not a right” era.) Personally, I think skinny jeans look BETTER on a more curvy frame, but maybe that’s just me…
Think of it the same way you do when you wear makeup. If you are going to do a heavy smokey eye, nude lip is the way to go. Simple earth tone eyes? Rock that red pout. If I am going to wear something tight on my lower half, the top is gonna be flowy. If I have a tight or even low cut top, the my lower half is gonna be in something relaxed. It’s about balance mother fuckers.
Don’t wear prints! White makes you look larger!
lean.jpg lean
Listen, people know what size you are. Spanx may smooth you out, but they’re not turning a size 14 into a size 4. Wear clothes that fit, plain and simple. If you wear clothes that don’t fit (too big OR too small), you’ll make yourself look at least 10-20lbs heavier. (Lady Gaga weight gain “scandal”? If she wasn’t a performer dancing around in tiny pieces of leather, there would be no scandal as no one would have noticed.) Here’s a good example and not one randomly found online. This is my friend Rachel, who showed up my door in the outfit on the left and I sent her on her way in the outfit on the right.


Dark colors are slimming, but don’t steer clear of an outfit because it’s white. White is clean and classic and if you can keep yourself dirt free, then you have my permission to rock that shit. Prints can be a sticky situation because plus size clothing more often than not looks tacky and garish and the prints look lifted either from the 80’s or from a small child. Keep it simple. Polka-dots are a small obsession of mine and classic prints like Houndstooth or even Gingham will always be in style.




Don’t wear X (insert revealing clothing here):

I have really long torso and hold my weight in my midsection so crop-tops are not a look that I am comfortable with. That does not however, mean they are out for all plus size ladies. (Or that they are in for any smaller ladies for that matter). Check out this chick rockin’ a crop-top like a Queen! Holla!


If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Even if “it” isn’t necessarily in fashion. Got an awesome rack? Show it off! Working hard on those lat muscles? Rock an open backed number. I have awesome legs if I do say so myself, so the shorter the shorts and dresses, the better!


Don’t pay attention to the label as sizes haven’t been standardized since the 1950’s. That old saying that “Marilyn Monroe was a size 12”? I don’t know many women (size 12 or otherwise) who have a 22 inch waist. Which would make Ms. Monroe a 00 or XXS in today’s world. (Check out this handy dandy chart to see how much sizes vary from brand to  brand: Size ain’t nothin’ but a number, similar to weight on a scale. What size clothing would someone who is 150lbs wear? Well, depending on the body, could be a 6 could be a 10 or maybe even a 12.

Any guesses as to how much I weigh? A bag of coffee to the closest guess 😉 [girl works at Stumptown, ya’ll]




Moral of the story is dress your body in what fits, period. Clothes that fit correctly will always be flattering, weather or not it’s trendy or in style.  ❤

MapleXO: Get at it

So last week I told you I had awesome friends, right? Well here I am ready to prove it.

I’ve known Miss Lindsay Jo for probably about, oh, a year. I’ve seen her here and there, out and about, at different Portland events, or the river, or whatever it is we do around these parts, and every time I see her we promise each other we’ll hang out soon. Isn’t that just how it goes? But this time I actually followed through.

And I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that I went and was able to learn about such a rad business! All started by one of my most rad friends.

A couple of weeks ago, I hopped the bus after work and didn’t get off until I was dead center on one of Portland’s cutest, and probably hippest, avenues. I strolled down a side street into the residential portion of the neighborhood and found the only warehouse it contained, headquarters of MapleXO where the homegirl Lindsay Jo and her small, but incredibly productive team spend their days, and sometimes nights, creating one of  a kind jewelry and accessories from recycled skateboards. Cool, right?!

Look. I’ve admired this girl’s jewelry for a long, long time, but nothing could have prepared me for how cool it was to see where that jewelry came from. For example:

This is the pile of donated skateboards that takes up a small section of the cavernous space. Each bunch of donated boards represents one plate of freshly baked, homemade cookies, that are sent in return as a thank-you.

“When we first started getting donations, I didn’t want to give people money, didn’t want to enter that gray area, but I had to do something..” Lindsay Jo explained, all 4’11” of her (I was right!), garbed in a simple hoodie, blue jeans and adorably scuffed, tan patent flats.

“So…cookies?” I asked.

“Cookies,” she confirmed.

And then I died a little cause that tradition is so fucking awesome.

Well ok, so this is what happens to those skateboards:

And then fast forward through Lindsay Jo’s impressive explanation of a variety of power tools (go girl!) to this:

And this:

And this:


So wait, back up. You want to know how she got here, don’t you? I did too, so I asked …

“One day, when I was younger, I decided I wanted a clock in my house, so I took one of my skateboards [what up skater girl?] and my boyfriend at the time, his jig saw, and literally like, just tried to saw off the top and bottom to make a flat wall clock. Except I couldn’t get it to cut straight and all these slivers kept peeling off where you could see all the colors and it was just a matter of snapping them into pieces, stringing them on to paper clips, and wearing them as earrings.” (and yes, she still has the clock to this day).

I, Lou, am paraphrasing. For the record. This is how I remember her stories, so girl, correct me if I’m wrong. Oh also, for all the thousands of publishers reading this, I also have a way cleaned up, professional version of this article, ahem. 

SO, I guess the paperclips eventually lost a little of their charm and Lindsay Jo was spurred to action.

“There’s this wood working shop in Portland and I just showed up one day and was like, ‘I want to cut circles!'”

She went on to tell me that, hilariously, this shop was geared toward people that already knew how to use the tools, knew what they were making, and just wanted to come take advantage of the space and equipment. However, the owner assured her she could stay and she fell under the reluctant apprenticeship of fellow workshop frequenter, Paul.

“He actually works in the space next to me now,” she says pointing through a door behind us, “he’s one of my, I mean he’s a 45-year old guy, but he’s probably one of my closest friends, and I think after like, the third day, he realized I wasn’t going anywhere.”

The story is all sorts of charming and I can just see Paul, exasperated, helping this tiny girl, warming to her each day she fearlessly walked through the door to keep learning. I mean, that could just be my wine sentimentalizing everything for me right now, but whatever.

Paul Sykes

The relationship that began five years ago has turned into a tried and true friendship and opened the door for multiple collaborative endeavors. She takes me over to show me his work and I’m once again enamored at the camaraderie that seems to exist not only within MapleXO, but within the entire workspace.

The MapleXO team spend their workdays creating classic hoops and bangles, necklaces, rings, belt buckles, and most recently, SkateBacks, their latest collaborative project with local company, Grove. They retail their products at small stores around Portland, recently had an order of SkateBacks picked up by Urban Outfitter, sell products online (here!:, and also have an adorably small showroom in the entrance of their warehouse:

And yet, in addition to the end goal of selling a really incredible product, what really stood out to me was the fun, creative environment this group works in. There’s minimal drama, everyone has their part, and they play and experiment with making new things everyday. Overall, it just seemed … fun! And genuine, so very genuine. Like, good job in doing it all so well you guys! And… don’t you want to work there?

As we closed up shop and tried on jewelry:

KEY-UTE necklace

I couldn’t help but develop a total girl crush on Lindsay Jo because it’s not everyday you meet a girlfriend who can complain about not having a fresh coat of shellac on her nails while also explaining to you how she became comfortable using a sander.

Hoodie Twins!

“My nails aren’t done,” she complained as we left the shop and walked down the street to grab a couple (ok, it was like five in the end) drinks at the bar, “it’s just working all day and getting all dirty, I like to have my nails done. It’s my thing, makes me feel put together.”

“Well, we should go get our nails done!” I suggested, and from there, a very, very cheap wine friendship was born.

And that does it for my first profile post. Fashion-wise I should tell you that aside from liking a fresh coat of nail polish, Lindsay Jo is one of those assholes whose tiny feet can fit into all of the vintage shoes at all of the vintage shops. I’m always so pissed when every pair of perfect boots I find is for like, a size 5. What is with people’s feet from the 60’s and 70’s!? Lucky bitch!

And I love that she shows up to her dirty, sawdust-filled, work still looking adorable. You’ve seen the proof. Now go buy her jewelry.

xoxo, Lou

Here are the links that matter: